One Of Those Days

It's been one of those days weeks.

I feel like crap.

My kids are acting like little terrors.

Oh, and I started yesterday which throws in a whole bunch wonderful hormones.

To say I'm done is an understatement...

You know how when you stink at something they tell you not to quit your day job??

Apparently, I need to quit my day job.

Anyone want to hire me?

No Filter - Not For The Easily Disgusted

I've been awake for just over 2 hours and as I've spent that time coughing up my right and left lung I've thought one thing...

Great green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts...

I've thought, "that would be a hilarious title!  Oh, wait, no it wouldn't.  Who would want to read that??"

But, that's what I've got.

Great. Green. Gobs.

From my nose.

From my chest.

Lovely.

Oh, did I mention I have no filter?? :)

Thankfully, I'm currently feeling a little bit better than I did yesterday.  Thankfully, I slept well last night, only waking to pee out the gallons of fluids that I drank during the day.

Traditional Medicinals Tea.

Water.

Nuun.

Water.

Tea.

Trying to flush this crap out of my system.

It's funny to me, a week ago, I was feeling great.  A week ago, I was able to go to the Another Mother Runner party.  A week ago, I shared my lack of filter with the women I met as my name tag said not only my name, but we were also supposed to put our favorite place to run.  Mine?  In the hills and through my husband's mind :) 

Yes, I really did put that. 

No, my friends weren't surprised.  :)

As we put the goody bags together, I noticed a little cough/cold medicine from Hyland's and wondered when I would ever use it since I haven't been getting colds...

It was such a fun night visiting with friends, meeting Dimity, getting to give Sarah a hug, listening to readings from their new book, Train Like a Mother and even tearing up from said readings.

Fast forward a week and here I am, with the worst cold I've had in a long time, faithfully following the directions and downing that stuff likes it's nobody's business.  Thankful that a week ago I was feeling great and thankful that a week ago I was able to bring that little Hyland's goodness home!

And, a week from today, I will be toeing another 26.2 line.

Continuing to drink tea, water, Nuun and Hyland's.  Trying to make sure whatever food I can get myself to eat is food that counts.  Protein and carbs.  Trying to fuel for that 26.2.

Trusting that God has this all figured out.  He paved the way for me to be there and I know that regardless of my time, the day will be perfect.  I will admit, however, that while my time doesn't matter, being out there for too long just sounds downright painful.  I really am hoping His plan is not for a 5 hour + marathon.  I'm praying for healing and to be honest, I'm praying He carries me through to a closer to 4 hour 26.2. 

Love that He already knows.

Smiling as I think about it.

Sick

I'm sitting here, my chest is literally hurting, my nose is stuffed up and I feel like I got hit by a train.

There will be no running today as I've already learned my lesson on running with a chest cold.

And, unless there's a miraculous recovery, there will be no running tomorrow.

Oh, and did I mention I'm running a marathon 1 week from tomorrow?  This is quite a way to taper :)

I went to bed with a tummy ache last night as I had 2 cups of my "cold care" tea and an insane amount of water in there.  My hope is I can drown this cold...

Add to all these wonderful feelings of a cold the fact that over about a 1 hour time span, I felt like I had gained 20 pounds.

Yes, 20 pounds.  Or, perhaps, more like 30...

July 2000

September 2000 - Right before we got pregnant with our 1st

I realize we're a little late on this one, but Super Size me was on TV the other day and we decided to record it.  Neither of us had seen it and wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

First of all, SICK!!!

Second, holy crap, that's SICK!!!

We don't eat out a ton and when we do, it's often our fresh, local Burgerville or Wendy's that gets our business.  However, after watching Super Size me, I felt putrid and was ready to say, "never again!"

Cory did point out that Burgerville uses all local, yummy, real ingredients.  They are not McDonald's!

And, I realize that we don't eat out every single meal.

I realize that we don't eat the amount of food that guy ate.

And, I still hold tight to my personal belief that moderation is the key.

But, wow.

I found those pictures of me this weekend and was blown away.  I'm fairly certain these pictures were tucked away for a reason.  They are not my proudest and finest moments.  Definitely something I never want to go back to.  Definitely something that makes me want to be sure I eat like an athlete :)

Hoping and praying that this awesome cold goes away.  Hoping and praying that this sweet house of ours with 4 of us with this awesome cold goes away :)

Hahaha

I was quite nervous this morning as I set out for my long run.  I was planning for 20, but allowing some room in there for a little grace should my run not go well.  Nervous because I haven't even tackled an 18 miler for this "training" cycle.  Nervous because, well, I was about to tackle a beast.

I chose to do a couple of out and backs from my house that seemed fine enough but are super hilly.  And then, after running by the same houses and feeling a little self conscious, I headed in another direction...  counting miles, figuring out my turn around, heavy legs, singing, clinging to my Heavenly Papa.

10 miles in and I stopped along side the road for probably 3-5 minutes.  Catching my breath, eating my GU, stretching my legs, giving myself a little pep talk, running in the hills...

Down, up, down, up, down, up...

12 miles, come on, Mere!

12.25 miles, I want to quit.  I think about calling Katie.  I think about texting Lee Ann and asking her if she can come pick me up.  I'm not too far from her house.  How am I going to do this???

Minutes later my phone tells me I have a text.  It's Lee Ann!!! 

"I have Cory's sweatshirt.  I'll try to remember to drop it off or swing by if you're coming this way."

"Want to come my way??  I'm on ... and ready to quit :("

"Hahaha.  Don't quit!  You've got this!  Go Mere go!!"

Yep.  I got a hahaha.  That is not what I was wanting to see.

I wasn't joking.

However, her words of encouragement in the next text got me to push on.  I told myself it was okay if I walked.  I just needed the miles and I just needed to get home.

Home.

Mile 14 and I'm fairly certain my quads are going to explode, rip open or something pretty like that.  My legs are on fire.  It's hot.  I'm clinging to my God.

"I can do most anything through Christ who strengthens me, I can climb a mountain when I'm 4, even 3!!"

Thank you, Kid's Praise and thank you, God!

At my driveway, 16.6.  So close to 17 what's a few more minutes of running?

Down the hill, up a driveway, down the driveway, up the hill, pass my driveway AGAIN.  Go!!  Go!!  Go!!

Done.

Today was one of those runs that had me clinging to God and where He's got me.  He's got a purpose for me and I'm choosing to trust Him.  But, man, it was hard today.  I wanted to quit but he and my sweet friend kept me going. 

Thank you, Lee Ann and thank you, God!

Irises, Crotch What and Hills, Oh my!

Today was the last day of school for my oldest 4, Mr. B was done with preschool at the end of May.  That means that my preschool runs are no more and my options for getting a run in the last 2 weeks consisted of getting up early (just not going to happen when the only one I'm running with is myself), running on the treadmill or squeezing a run in when the kids get home from school.  Needless to say, I exhausted those options and some of my runs have gone by the wayside.  Including one lovely 18 miler that got started on the treadmill and finished at 4 miles...

Today was the last day of school which meant flower and cookie deliveries to the teachers, children beyond excited for summer vacation and children BEYOND tired from end of the year festivities.  By 8:00 this morning I was ready to hide in the bathroom...  I'm not kidding.  While Ella, my sweet, sweet little miss, continued to go on and on and on and on in my ear about something and while the boys wrestled on the family room floor and while the dog tried to join in on the fun, I got up and said, "seriously??  I'm going to loose my ever loving mind!!"  Not one of my finer moments. 

I just wanted to run away. 

Thankfully, the kids were soon loaded up in the car.  Thankfully, I was able to go hug and thank their teachers for a wonderful year.  And, thankfully, I then headed to my friend's salon to get a haircut that she had so wonderfully given me for my birthday.  A haircut that made me feel so much better and then???  She took Mr. B with her so I could head out for a run.  Bliss!

I brushed the cobwebs out of my shoes and laced up for what was to be the 1st run in 6 days.  I can't remember the last time I took 6 days off.  And, while this wasn't a planned stretch of rest, I'm sure that, in some way, my body benefited from it.  That's what I'm holding onto anyway :)

I headed out from my house and decided to try a new route.  The plan was to run 7 easy miles.  I had driven my intended route once and thought it looked like a beautiful, slightly hilly run.  Funny how it's not until you actually run on a route that the hills seem more monstrous than beautiful.  All I could do was laugh at myself!

About 1 mile into the uphill battle I stopped to catch my breath.  My heart was pounding and I bent over a bit thinking that I might just puke that heart right up.  I texted my sweet friend, smiled, laughed out loud and headed on my way.  The thought that I was almost to the top kept me going.  When I rounded the corner to find another steep little bit, I took a picture, texted, laughed and decided I would turn around at the top of that hill.  However, because I am who I am, I saw a slight downhill after that uphill and thought it looked like fun, which lead me around the corner and up and down again all the way to my turn around.

As I headed down the hill, my focus turned to the trees, flowers and creeks.  It was gorgeous!!!  Purple Irises lined the road, the creeks babbled, the trees moved in the breeze and there, flowing through the air, was crotch what.  WHAT??

Last year I was browsing Facebook and just about peed myself when my friend said something about crotch what in her status update.  Excuse me, what???  She said what???  My dear friend had become the victim of auto correct on her phone.  Her update was actually supposed to talk about the cottony fluff from the trees that had her allergies acting up.  Cottony fluff/crotch what, I can see how the phone could get that wrong :)  That update had me laughing and then later, it blessed me more than I could ever have imagined.

Weeks later, as we drove to my brother's house, my mom called.  I was not prepared for the words that came out of her mouth, "hospice says he has 2 weeks."  I sobbed, hung up the phone and looked out the window.  As we drove through the beautiful gorge, cottony fluff floated dreamily through the air.  The sun causing them to have that fairy like glow.  I started laughing.

Crotch what!

God used my friend's little embarrassment on Facebook to make me laugh out loud.  Giggling.  Crying.  Heartbroken.  Blessed.

He didn't make it 2 weeks.  He made it 5 more days.  He hadn't passed yet as we headed home.  We knew it would be soon and we knew we'd be back again soon.  As we drove through the Gorge, yet again, my phone rang.  And, yet again, the words made my heart ache.  "He's gone."  I hung up and cried as the song, "I Will Rise" played so perfectly on the radio.  And then, my reminder that God loves me so, floated through the air.  Crotch what/cottony fluff.  Like fairies in the breeze.  Floating.  Beautiful.  

It's funny to me how God has used that little mistake as such a big blessing.  Every single time I see it floating dreamily through the air, I smile.  It's God's reminder to me how very much he loves me.  He brings it at the most wonderful times...  just when my heart and head seem to be getting close to empty.

Today, my tank was filled to overflowing as I looked in awe at God's creation - His purple Irises, His babbling creeks and His cottony fluff.  I am so very thankful for a God that loves me so much, that blesses me and pursues me.  He makes my heart smile!

Summer is here and God was gracious in filling my tank to get me through this day.  My kids came home from school smiling and I was able to smile right along with them.  With God, I was able to talk calmly as they melted down from exhaustion.  With God, I'm still smiling while my heart fills my chest. 

There are only 20 days until my next marathon and I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't a little nervous about it.  While my base is good, I haven't "trained" for this one.  Life has been a bit crazy and I have had to choose between my family and running.  My family will win every single time.  So, I cling to the fact that God got me there.  That He wants me there.  I cling to the fact that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  I focus on the fact that I only have a couple of longer runs left and then it's time to taper again.  I smile at the fact that it's summer and I'm so excited to spend those summer days with my family.

Bring on the summer!

Free

Cory and I were driving in the car just days after the Eugene Marathon and my ears tuned into this song...

 

Hurting heart and broken wings
Cannot stop Your love from always finding me
No more days wasting away
I finally realize the gift inside of me

My strength alone will never be enough
But Your arms keep lifting me up

You tell me I've been made free
You give me everything I need to walk in my dreams
You whisper words that free my soul
You're the reason I have hope
You're everything I need and more
You made me
You made me free

I was caged in, then You opened
Every door that held me bound and You gave me the key
No more pressure I can just breathe
The girl I tried so hard to be, has always been me

My strength alone will never be enough
But Your arms keep lifting me up

You tell me I've been made free
You give me everything I need to walk in my dreams
You whisper words that free my soul
You're the reason I have hope
You're everything I need and more

Now I'm free to love, free to live,
Free to take my life and give it all to You

Oh, you tell me I've been made free
You give me everything I need to walk in my dreams
You whisper words that free my soul
You're the reason I have hope
You're everything I need and more
You made me
You made me free
You made me
You made me free

~Dara Maclean~

With tears falling down my face, I praised the Lord for the gift He had given me.  I felt free...

Free from the weight of failure and disappointment.

Free from the pressure.

Free.

I cannot do any of it without Him.

Kinda takes the pressure off :)

He frees me from the lies.

He frees me.

He frees me as long as I allow Him to...  It's easy to get caught up in it all.  Sadly, it's easy to listen to the lies in our heads.  It's easy to start to think that we have some sort of control.  It's easy to let the burden get so heavy that we fall under it's pressure.  It's easy to think we're alone.  It's easy to spiral...

It's hard to unfurl our hand and give it all right back to Him.  Why do we hold on so tightly?  Why do we let those lies penetrate our hearts?  Why??

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well."

Psalm 139:14

God's got it.  

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,  

and I will give you rest.   

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls.  

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

 Matthew 11:28-30

Always. 

“For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?

God is my strength and power,
And He makes my way perfect."

2 Samuel 22:32-33 

How Did That Happen??

I've been juggling...

End of the school year projects,

End of the school year activities,

Housework,

Errands,

Never ending loads of laundry,

Yardwork,

Running,

My kids (I've only dropped one so far)...

Kidding.

For those that know me, they know that I'm no good at juggling.  I can't even say that I'm good at it for even a short period of time.  I, flat out, stink at juggling.

Stink!

When life starts throwing balls at me and I have to juggle, I tend to shut off.  I shut off to my friends.  I shut off to my responsibilities.  I shut off and want to curl up in a ball and rock myself to sleep.

That's where I was at the end of last week.

Then, the weekend happened.  It was busy, but all with good stuff...

Friday night we were able to attend an amazing event remembering our dear friend's son and helping to raise money for the Children's Cancer Association.  It was an awesome event and although our kids were lucky to have gone due to their "peachy" attitudes earlier in the day, I was thankful to have given them some grace.  It was a blessing to be there.

Saturday morning, I was blessed, yet again, to be able to run with my sweet friend, Marnee.  She has been working her butt off (quite literally!) training for her very first 70.3.  Saturday was her last long run and I loved being able to join her for 5.36 of it.  She headed off to run more and I bolted through the last 2 miles to my car with my last times looking like this... 8:38, 8:01, 7:59.  Finishing with a smile on my face and sweat dripping off my body.

I raced home to shower and head off to the local parade.  Our family walked down the hill to enjoy the festivities, give hugs to friends, catch candy and make the trek back up the hill.  Getting home just as the rain started to pour from the sky.  It was wonderful!

Saturday night, Cory and I were able to have a little date where we ate some yummy food, spent some time with his sister and brother in law, and laughed and had fun together.  God blessed us with a wonderful evening that made my heart so very happy!

Sunday was church and homegroup and more happy hearts.

Pure bliss...

Cup refilled to overflowing...

Deep breath...

Monday.

Back to the daily grind.  Back to life.  Back to reality.

Tired.

I had 7 miles on the schedule.  4 miles fast with .5 mile jogs in between.  It was that line of wanting to and not.  Knowing my time is limited this week.  Knowing that if I did not get it in, I would not get all my runs in for the week.  The hours ticked by.  I was getting stuff done.  I had not gotten my run in.  The kids got home from school and Cole very sweetly let me head out the door.

Off to the track.  Unsure of what my body could do.  And, to be quite honest, I felt like the fat girl at the track.  The elephant.  The old mom.  I wasn't feeling so hot.

9:08.  My warm up felt great.  Deep breaths.  Getting my breathing regulated.  Giving myself a pep talk.

GO!

"You are good,

you are good,

when there's nothing good in me..."

"Oh, I'm running to your arms,

I'm running to your arms,

the riches of your love,

will always be enough,

nothing compares to your embrace,

light of the world forever reign!"

6:57

1/2 mile jog.

GO!!

Singing my song.  Giving it to God.  Pushing.  Breathing.  G was right there on my shoulder...

"You can do anything for .4!"

6:52

1/2 mile jog.  Catching my breath.

GO!!

Third verse and the 4th verse, same as the first.  And, the 2nd :)

6:55

6:56

I may have felt like the fat girl at the track, but my legs showed the fat girl who was boss and kicked some serious tail.

I left knowing it was my best run in months.  What I didn't realize until later was that it was my best set of repeats EVER!

How did that happen??

While I'm thrilled to be running marathon #4 on the 4th of July (oh, that's fun!!), I've definitely noticed that my body is tired.  My legs have not had the pep that they've had in the past.  Runs have not been easy.  But, as I've said, I know God has me there for a reason and I'm so excited to see what's in store.

I did not go into my run yesterday expecting anything stellar.  I didn't even have a set time goal for my repeats.  I'm really trying to listen to my body.  I'm trying to avoid injury.  I'm trying to be smart.  Those times leave me in awe.

I fully believe God filled me with a little extra oomph yesterday.

I fully give him all the glory.

My body, on it's own, has not pulled times off like that.

My body, relying on God, pulled out those times yesterday :)

“For You are my lamp, O Lord;
The Lord shall enlighten my darkness.
³⁰ For by You I can run against a troop;
By my God I can leap over a wall.
³¹ As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

³² “For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?
³³ God is my strength and power,
And He makes my way perfect.
³⁴ He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places."

2 Samuel 22:29-34

Thank you, God!!

Now, on to Tuesday :)