13

 I'm not exactly sure when the conversation occurred, but, I know it went something like this...

Me:  I want to run a marathon

My brother:  Run it for me, then you won't like me anymore.

Me:  How about, I run the first half for you and the second half for me?  That way, I'll still love you at the end!

Since that conversation, I have thought of my brother at every 13th mile of a marathon.  In Eugene, the Lord blessed me and put Waldo at mile 13.  Waldo was the nickname my brother earned after going missing, overnight, on a hunting trip.

13 for my brother.

Then, I'll still love him :)

Funny thing, his birthday was the 13th.

He went to Heaven on the 31st.  There's that 1 and that 3 again.

13.

A few weeks ago, I got it in my head that I wanted to run 13 on the 31st in honor of my brother.  Kind of funny, really, since I haven't ran more than 7 since the marathon on the 4th of July.  I wasn't sure my body would be capable as I really have been resting and not running much, but I knew that no matter what, I would spend 13 miles with my brother and God.  Even if that meant walking most of it...

1 year ago today, my dear, sweet friend, Ginny ran 13.1 in San Francisco.  There's that 13 again.  Before she ran she wrote a post.  Her words touched my heart and soul...

"Mile 7 - is for Mere’s Bro ~ Chris.  By Sunday it’s hard to know where you’ll be… but no matter where that is, I’m running this for you.

Mile 8 – is for Mere.  You’re amazing, and there aren’t words to describe why that is…  please know that I will savor the run Mere, because you asked me to… I will bring “GBA”, because you asked me to… and I will have more fun doing it in the moment, because you asked me to."

She didn't know, but she knew all at the same time.  And although I've never met her, she has become a dear dear friend.  A dear friend who I can laugh and share my heart with all in the same conversation.  A couple weeks ago I called her to ask a favor...

"Will you run 13 "with" me on the 31st?"

She would.

And we would. 

13 together.

For Chris.

This morning I set out.  Sending a quick text to Marnee and Ginny...  Friends that understand me.  Friends that carry me, love me and never judge me.  Friends who I knew would be praying me through the run.  Off I went.

It's funny, I have spent so much time blocking memories the last couple months.  One would come, tears would start and I would cut them off at the pass.  Stuffing them into no man's land.  Not wanting to go there.  On Sunday, as we drove back from camping, I was trying to remember last year.  I could get very little to come to mind.

Yesterday, the 30th, marked one year since I said, "goodbye".  One year since I hugged him and kissed his face.  One year since I looked at him for the very last time.  Not one tear was shed yesterday.   I was fine...

I told myself I would let the tears fall today.  I would not repress.  I would smile.  I would cry.  I would remember.  I would praise the Lord for him.  I figured these tears would happen on the run.

Have you ever seen "The Holiday"?  There is a scene in the movie where Cameron Diaz is trying to make herself cry.  She is unable to shed a tear.  She is numb.  I felt just like her.  Not one tear came.  I sang, I praised the Lord, I prayed for many many friends.

At mile 8, I felt like the Lord just wanted me to slow down.  I stopped to walk, pray, focus, listen...

At mile 10, I wanted to quit.  I was tired.  The fact that I had minimal runs under my belt since the 4th was showing.  I wanted to quit.  However, I knew that the smile at the end of 13 would be worth it.  Besides, my brother never quit, why should I?

I didn't.

I pushed on.  Savoring.  Singing.  Praising.

Then, it happened.

With .25 to go, the movie started playing in my mind, amazing memories with my brother came flooding in.  Riding in our old, ugly, orange-red, 1980 something Mustang, just he and I.  The windows down, the wind blowing in.  Smiles on our faces.  His wedding day.  The way he looked in awe at his wife.  My wedding day, the way he looked at me and we joked.  Him with his kids.  His smile.  His hugs.  His laugh.  God blessed me and the tears started flowing.  The floodgates have opened and all I can do is smile and praise God for the tremendous blessing of my brother.  He made so many people better.  He was such a good man.  I am beyond thankful that God chose me, out of all people, to be his little sister.

God is good!

Thank you Lord for my brother.  Thank you for blessing me this morning with a movie like no other!  Thank you for 13 miles in the beautiful sun, in your amazing creation with you and Chris!  Thank you for loving me...

Beautiful

"Every ocean, every sea, 

every morning's a symphony.
Every drop of rain, every waterfall, 

all the stars in the sky are so beautiful.
Every breath I breathe, every beat of my heart. 

I feel so alive because of who You are.
Every day I rise, every time I sing 

I'm reminded of Your great love for me.
You're beautiful, so beautiful."  Trent Monk

Reflecting...

Heart heavy...

Missing my brother...

A sweet husband that calls to tell me to go for a little run...

A sweet husband that knows my heart aches...

Deep breaths...

Fresh cut hay...

Smile on my face...

Cows grazing...

The sun glistening through the trees...

Sunbeams reaching through the clouds...

Sweat dripping down my temples...

Little hills...

Birds chirping...

Hawks soaring...

Towering evergreens...

Steep hills...

Muscles engaged...

My legs...

My brother's legs...

Eyes open...

Eyes closed...

Prayers said...

Sighs...

Lungs filled...

Tall grasses glowing...

Green trees blowing...

Blue skies...

Billowy clouds...

Heart filled...

Cup overflowing...

A date with God...

A refreshed soul...

A lightened heart...

Smile found.

Laughter and Smoothies

There are some moments you just don't want to forget.  Moments that make you completely laugh when you think about them.  Moments that help you learn a little...

I rarely have to pee when I'm running.  I pee multiple times before leaving the house to be sure to get every single little drop out of me.  I can recall 3 times that I have had to pee during a run.  Yes, 3.  Yes, I have been running for over 2 1/2 years.  Three.

One time was during a 20 mile run when I refused to stop in at any business establishment because I wasn't currently buying anything from them.  This had me looking at every possible bush that I ran by wondering if it could shield me from the cars.  This had me playing out various scenarios of how it would go to pee my pants...  I was driving hubs truck and he has cloth seats.  I just didn't think he'd appreciate that :)  And what it the world would I do about my shoes??  Who wants pee in their shoes?

Another time was just during a 5 miler.  I could hold it.

One was during my last 18 miler and I couldn't hold it.  Thankfully, Mandi's house was close and she let me use her potty.

Well, on the 4th of July there was a theme.  It was my 4th marathon.  It was the 4th of July.  It was the 4th time I had to pee during a run.  Thankfully, the theme was not 2's :)

What boggles my mind is that I peed THREE times before the race started and yet around mile 14, the pressure became unbearable and I did something I have never done.  I used the porta potty during a race.  It took a little shimmying to get my skirt off and little did I know, it was not going to be such an easy task to get that baby back up.

I finished my business and tried to pull my skirt up.  It wouldn't budge.  I was so sweaty.  My skirt was so sweaty.  I was in a cramped porta potty.  I had no idea what to do. 

It's funny how your brain turns to mush at times like this.

I stood there, unable to get my skirt over my rear, weighing my options...

1.  Open the door a crack and have Katie come help me.

2.  Walk out of the porta potty and ask for both Katie and Jen to help...

I'm not even kidding when I say I strongly considered both options.

Imagine that, a girl walking out of the porta potty with her rear hanging out.  Not one of my finer moments :)

Finally, I gave it one last try, inched my shorts up and shimmied my way back into my skirt.

As Marnee pointed out, if only I hadn't taken 5 minutes in the bathroom my time would have been under 5 hours :)  Dang it!! 

Lesson learned?  Learn how to pee yourself.  Kidding.  Kind of...

On Sunday, I went to grab my favorite, light weight running socks for my run with Marnee and I couldn't find them.

On Monday, I went to find them again...

Same story on Tuesday.

I was finally beginning to think that they had been lost at the marathon.  I had removed my socks and shoes to put my feet in ice water and was thinking that they hadn't made it back to the car.  Dang it!

However, when I hopped in my car to go to the store this morning I knew right where they were.  They HAD to be hiding in the car.  How would I know that?  My car smelled like stinky socks!  Lovely.  At least I found my socks :)

Lesson learned??  Don't leave stinky socks in the car.

And now to the smoothies...  I've been on a bit of a smoothie kick.  I spent 8 months training my body for marathons and now, I get to train my stomach that I'm no longer training for marathons.  It's been going well and I have to say that smoothies seem to be the answer for me.  I can throw loads of spinach in a cup with yogurt, milk, pb, banana and honey and be satisfied for hours.  Love that it's green (just makes me feel all the more healthy), love that it actually is healthy and love how I'm feeling. 

I tried going on Pinterest this morning to look for more recipes, but, quite frankly, I get way too overwhelmed.  Imagine my delight when Amanda from Runninghood, posted a little something about smoothie suggestions this morning.  Hoping to get some more recipes in the arsenal.

So, here's a couple questions for you...

What's your favorite healthy smoothie recipe?

What's your favorite running funny??

The Last 6.2

When I was training for the LA Marathon I was browsing their Facebook page and saw something that made me laugh.  A guy said he had heard the last 6.2 miles of the course was the hardest.  So, he went and ran those last 6.2 miles for training.  What made me laugh?  He said it really wasn't hard :)

Of course, he was being funny.

It wasn't that the last 6.2 miles of that particular course was hard.  It was that the last 6.2 miles of any marathon are the hardest.

As I've processed through marathon #4, I've realized, the last 6.2 were, perhaps, the easiest.  Scratch that, the 1st  9 or 10 were pretty great too.  But, the last 6.2?

Amazing!

If I think about them in detail, I know they weren't necessarily easy, but they are miles that seemed to have flown by.

Once I truly keyed in to God... 

Once I completely sought Him...

That's when I had an experience like no other.

He met me right there on that course.  Granted, He was there the whole time, but it wasn't until I truly, truly, with tears in my eyes sought him that I felt Him and saw Him...

The cottony fluff, the blue sky, the weight lifted...

Our pastor talked about experiencing God yesterday and as I listened to him talk I realized something.  I've cherished my runs for quite some time, knowing they are my quiet time with the Lord.  However, it wasn't until yesterday that I made some connections...

When I run, I experience God more often than not.  He talks to me.  He reveals truths to me.  He carries me.  He pushes me.  When I run, I feel His presence more than when I am not running.  It makes me want to run more.  He makes me want to run more.

The last 6.2 miles on the 4th of July?  They were easy because my eyes were wide open to where God wanted me.  I was searching for what He might have.

I'm not sure on the mile, but somewhere around 17, Katie and Jen were trying to encourage me along.  I'm sure we were walking at this point and I noticed a girl in a red shirt up ahead...

Me:  "Oh, sweet girl, she looks like she's hurting!"

Jen:  "Let's catch her and pick her up!"  (That girl should be a coach!  What a great motivator!)

Me:  "You can go catch up to her."  (I'm peachy, aren't I?)

As I left the aid station around mile 21, I looked to my side and there she was, the girl in the red shirt.  Her face crusted with salt and a pained look in her eye...

"How you doing?"

"I'm hurting.  My ankles hurt.  My legs hurt..."

We started walking together.  Sharing stories.  The paths that brought us to this race.  From here, the miles flew by.  It wasn't because our paces had picked up, it was because instead of focusing on my pain, I was focused on God, I was focused on the girl in the red shirt.

God is good...

This race is so much like childbirth.  I think about it and smile.  I think about it and I forget about the pain.  But, if I really think about it I remember...

My legs hurt more than they have ever hurt before...

I truly thought about quitting, but my pride and the fact that I got a pretty medal at the end made me continue...

I teared up at every aid station when someone would tell me good job and ask how I was doing...

I felt like my calves and quads were going to rip open...

I was so dehydrated I stopped sweating...

I wondered why I run marathons...

Silly girl :)

I run them because that's where I get this huge dose of God.  I know He's right here, everyday, but the marathon is our special place.  I have the hugest grin on my face as I type...  Remembering.  Savoring.  Cherishing.  Loving.

Marathons = My date with God

Man, He's good!

And, just like labor, my hubs has been there every step of the way.  He may not have taken every step of the marathon with me, but he has put up with me and my training for the last 8 months.  He has supported me, encouraged me and patiently listened to me.  And on race day?  He finished last last mile with me!  A gift that I can't even express how much it means to me.  I love you, Babe!

Praising my Heavenly Papa for another amazing date, praising Him for a husband that blows my mind, praising Him for another finish line crossed and praising Him for an easy 6.2 miles :)

Raw

It's a funny thing, processing through a race.  There are so many emotions that go into it...

There is the joy of crossing the finish line.

There is the thankfulness of even being able to be there in the first place.

There is the peace of knowing God knew the day and that you were right where He wanted you.

There is the excitement in hearing your friends BQ'd.

There is a smile that comes from running with new friends.

There is the beauty of running through God's amazing creation.

There are the questions of why you do it.

There is the wondering if you'll ever hit that sub 4:00.

There is not disappointment.

Just questions.

Why?

To be honest, I did not spend my marathon smiling.  The first 10 miles passed quickly and after that, I hurt.  I retreated into my head and it became a constant dialogue with God...

"Why am I here?  What are your plans?  Why do you have me here??"

This mixed with songs...

"My strength alone will never be enough, but you arms keep lifting me up."  Dara Maclean

Why am I here?

"I can do most anything through Christ who strengthens me, I can climb a mountain when I'm 4, even 3!  I can do most anything, put my mind straight to the test.  With Jesus and determination I can do my best!"  Kid's Praise

What are you plans?

"I'd be packing my bags when I need to stay, I'd keep chasing every breeze that blows away, I'd be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away.  It's true.  That's me without you..."  Toby Mac

This one came into my head just as I needed the reminder that it was His race, not mine.

I chose to run without my watch yesterday, I knew that if I had that little baby on my wrist, I would struggle with running for Him.  I would stress about my time.  I wanted it to be His time.  I was truly okay with that.

I chose to run without my phone.  I wanted to completely rely on God.  I did not want the distraction.

At mile 17, I asked to use Katie's phone.  A funny thing was happening...  while I was completely okay with wherever God had me finishing, I was beginning to stress out about the fact that my sweet family and dear friend were waiting at the finish line.  I was wishing they weren't there.  I felt bad for ruining their morning.  I felt bad for holding Katie and Jen back.  I was teary.  I was embarrassed.  I kept telling them to go.  That they could take off.  I told them I hoped their children were more obedient than they were.  They smiled back and said, "they aren't!"  They finally listened at mile 20 and I watched them run off ahead...

I was alone.  No phone.  No watch.  Just me and God.  Right where He wanted me.  If I would have had my phone, I would have been on it.  I would have been texting.  I would have been talking.  Instead, I was asking, "why am I here?"  Instead of texting, I was listening to God.  Instead of distractions, I was focusing on God.  That stretch of road is imprinted on my mind...

The beautiful trees, a bit of shade, the breeze blowing through the fields, the colors of July, the blue sky, the birds, the warm sun on my shoulders, the cottony fluff...

The smile.

The deep breath.

Okay, God, you've got this.

The funny thing is, I knew, going into the race that my body was not up to par.  A week of being sick and living on smoothies does not make a great race.  A lack of training runs does not make a great race.  Three marathons in 4 months does not make a great race.

However, I knew, and held onto the little bit of hope, that God could give me the strength for that great race.  That great being that illusive sub 4:00.

That's not where He wanted me.

He did give me the strength to finish.

He did bless me with an amazingly beautiful morning.

He gave me the best finish ever when Cory ran the last mile with me and the kids raced with me across the finish line.

He truly is amazing.

And now, I look to what's next.

I look forward to some rest.  To short runs and to building strength.  I wonder what's out there for me.  I wonder, with a little ache, if I'll ever see that sub 4:00.  I pray that I do.  I hope that will be in God's plan for me someday... 

And I remain thankful that yesterday was, in fact, a great race.

It was His race :)

#4 Done

I'll share more later, but, for now, I'm going to keep it short and sweet...

3:15 a.m. came early

A smoothie consisting of spinach, oats, pb, yogurt, frozen banana, milk and honey is the way to go before a race.

I have an amazing husband!

Shuttle buses are great for avoiding traffic, getting there early and allowing plenty of time for THREE potty stops...

I have an amazing husband!

I sat waiting for Katie to get there wondering what in the world I was thinking...

It was wonderful to meet my friend Katie, her friend, Jen and to even get to hug Devon before the race...

Seeing Devon!

Sauvie Island is BEAUTIFUL!!!

 

I loved getting to run with Katie and Jen...

I was hurting by mile 10...

Katie and Jen were gracious to stay with me until mile 20...

I kept wondering why God had me there...

As I found a new rhythm and pushed through my pain I asked Him again, "Why am I here?"

In that moment, cottony fluff filled the air and I knew I was right where God wanted me...

A few tears may have escaped my eyes at several aid stations...

A girl I had noticed struggling earlier took off from an aid station at the same time I did.  I asked how she was doing.  We ran together the rest of the way...

God is good.

Just past mile 25 I look up to see my sweet husband walking toward me...

My husband is AMAZING!!

He ran with me that entire last mile.  He has not ran since college.

My husband is amazing!!!!

Just at the last bend before the finish line, there is my cheering section.  My beautiful children, Marnee, Kelli and Sam.

My sweet babes ran across the finish line with me and it was the best finish ever...

 

 

 

5:00:13

 

 

God is good!

Now, it's time to rest :)

Leap Frog

When I finished up my 18 miler for this training cycle, I smiled and told the Lord that He was definitely going to have to carry me.  18 miles?  That's all?  If I was in my normal OCD mindset, I would have been stressed.  I would have been stressed that I had not run even one 20 miler this time around.  I would have been stressed that I didn't get all my training runs in.  But, I wasn't.

I just smiled.

When I got sick, worry was not the first thing on my mind.  Sure, in my normal OCD mindset, that would have been my go to emotion.  Instead, I rested in the fact that God's got this.  God's got a plan.  There was one time, while sitting on my thinking spot, that doubt started creeping in and then, as if a light was shining on my very words, I remembered...

"I had a talk with God one day.  I felt silly.  There are so many bigger things.  And yet, there I was, telling the Lord that I wanted to run this little race.  Telling Him that I only wanted to run it if He wanted me to run it.  That the only way I would be there is if He made it happen." 

I had started to wonder if I had just asked for too much.  If God was allowing me this marathon to teach me that enough is enough.  If there was just a big lesson to be learned.  But, as I remembered my original prayer, my first conversation about this race, I remembered - I only wanted to be there if HE wanted me there.  I only wanted to be there for HIM.  And that, is what I've continued to want. 

I have no agenda for me. 

This one's not about me.

My sweet babes all want to be at the finish line and my dear dear friend has offered to bring them down there for us.  In all their excitement, they wanted to make a sign for me.  As I read the poster, a smile beamed on my face as my own children put the words,

"All things are possible with God"

It was as if God had given them those words just for me.

I smiled, it couldn't be any more true.  God's going to have to carry me on this one!

I woke up this morning and looked at the clock 5:55.  It was POURING outside and I truly thought that if it's doing this tomorrow, I might just roll over and go back to sleep :)  When I opened my eyes again at 8:11, I thought, almost half way.  Tomorrow, at 8:11, I'll hopefully be almost half way through. 

It's like waiting for Christmas morning.

I know He's got this beautiful gift for me, I just don't know what it is and I smile every time I think of what it could be.

Tomorrow, I'm running with my sweet friend who, with God, got me to this starting line.  I'm so excited to actually "meet" her and even more excited to get to spend tomorrow morning with her.  When I look at her times, she's as consistent as it gets.  She's got experience and she is strong.  Part of me feels bad, like I might hold her back.  However, she has asked several times if I will run with her, and I've told her I would love to as long as I can keep up. 

In my mind, in my flesh, I must admit, I wonder if God allowed the illness and the lack of training so that I could take that leap and

F.ully
R.ely
O.n
G.od.

Got that?  That's a little preschool education right there :)

And that is exactly what I'm doing.

To me, there is nothing about this race that has anything to do with my abilities.  If I go to those corners of my mind, I'm screwed.  Instead, I hold on to the fact that this one is His. 

Completely His. 

And, if I'm completely completely honest, I wonder if He might just carry me to my best marathon yet.  I wonder if this experience of running with my incredibly consistent friend, will allow me some consistency and a PR.  Is this illness to slow me down, to give Him all the glory?  Because, surely, I got nothing for this one.  I'm not saying I'm holding onto the dream of a PR, I'm just wondering if that's it.  Or, is it someone I will meet on the course?  Is it someone who will read this post?  Or my recap?  God's going to shine brightly on this one and I can't wait to see where that light points!

“For You are my lamp, O Lord;
The Lord shall enlighten my darkness.
³⁰ For by You I can run against a troop;
By my God I can leap over a wall.
³¹ As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

³² “For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?
³³ God is my strength and power,
And He makes my way perfect.
³⁴ He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places."

2 Samuel 22:29-34