There have been times where I questioned why things had to be.
There have been times where I said, "REALLY???" while wrestling with God.
There have been sunsets that have blown me away.
There have been moments that He has blown me away.
There have been times, quite honestly, when I've wondered why some people get blessings poured over them while others do not.
The other day a friend said that sometimes it's harder to see God in less joyful times. Funny thing is, the less joyful times is when I see and feel Him most.
For the first time in years, we have not been stuck in the muck. Life has been good. We are healthy, the kids are healthy. There have been no major trials. While I find myself thanking Him often, it's mostly just when I'm running that I actually "feel" His presence. I've started diving into my Bible just looking for Him. I'm not even sure that makes sense...
However, the last few months have made me step back in awe and wonder why in the world I get to be so blessed. I do smile at His goodness. I do see Him. It's just not the same feeling as when His arms are holding me closely, when He is carrying me through the painful times. I think, perhaps, I just don't know how to function in non crisis living...
God has been patient and gracious with me. He has answered many of my prayers and He has said, "not right now" to many others.
He answered my prayer to run on the 4th of July and last week He gave me a gift that I didn't even ask for.
Two years ago I wrote this... "What did I do??"
A ball of anxiety. Never wanting to do it again. Ever.
Then, there was this... "What I did"
"Two days later and I'm able to say that I will do it again someday. First I said, "maybe in 5 years." Then, while talking to my brother yesterday, he asked if I would do it with him. Absolutely! We're hoping for Hood To Coast 2012! A healthy brother to run with would make me do it again in a heartbeat!"
And then, one year ago, this...
I smile and cry as I sit here reading my words. My heart goes back to that moment of aching and in the replies, was a little light...
Lesley from Racing if Off wrote these words...
"Maybe 2012 is the year for HTC... run it for your brother?"
In the fall, I briefly thought about putting a Hood to Coast team together to run in honor of my brother. However, knowing how I am, I decided that it would not be the best move. I am too unorganized, I get overwhelmed too easily, I wasn't sure I really wanted to spend that much money on something that I would only do if my brother was by my side.
A month ago someone asked me to join their team. I thought maybe that was God's way of giving me a little gift. When I told Marnee about it, she said, "do they have another spot?? How fun would it be if we could do it together?!?" However, it didn't work out and although I was a little disappointed, I was okay with it. I just held on to the fact that God knew best.
Not too long ago, Marnee told me she had been asked to join a friend's team. I was so excited for her and the opportunity God was giving her for redemption.
And then, Friday afternoon, my heart skipped a beat as I read these words...
Want to run Hood to Coast with me and Marnee???
WITH you???
Yes, you'd be leg 2, I'm leg 3 and Marnee is leg 4!!
God, you are amazing!
In 3 days I will be running in Hood to Coast. In 3 days I will be watching the sunrise over Mt. Hood. I will be running down the mountain. I will be laughing. I'm sure there will be crying too :) I will be sweaty and stinky and tired. I will be blessed beyond comprehension.
I simply cannot believe God would put this little gift in my lap. An unexpected gift that means the world to me. God, you amaze me! Thank you!
