I stood in the shower with tears pouring down my face last night. As many of my thoughts do, I had ended up thinking about running. About my "friends" who are going to be on an awesome team for Nuun and the fun that they will have. It looks to be a very fun group of girls and I know that, for them, it will be something they remember and cherish for a long time.
That got me thinking about my Hood to Coast experience. About how I said I would never do it again. About how when I told my brother that, he said, "would you run it with me??" About my reply, "in a heartbeat!"
Then, came the tears.
We had said Hood to Coast 2012 would be the year. He would be healthy by then. He would be running by then. I knew we would have no problem getting a team together. Just needing to cross our fingers that we would get in.
Tears.
My brother. My friend. A true blessing. I love you.
Unless God intervenes, we won't get next year. We won't get to run together. We won't get to be beyond tired together. We won't get to laugh together. We won't get to do Hood to Coast 2012 together.
I wrote this back in the summer of 2008. He is my hero and I love him dearly.
God has blessed me more than I can even fathom. I have been beyond blessed with many big brother moments in the last couple months that I cling to. He keeps me accountable. He reminds me of God's faithfulness. He's my brother.
There's a song by Florence and the Machine called, Dog Days Are Over. I first heard this song when I borrowed my dear friend's I-pod for the Girlfriend's 1/2. As I turned a corner the chorus came on...
"Run fast for your mother run fast for your father
Run for your children for your sisters and brothers"
With that I gave my brother's picture on my back a pat and picked up the pace. I would run because he couldn't.
Last night, Cory added that song to my I-pod. Last night I bawled thinking about what's to come. Last night I wanted to run a marathon right now even more just so I could run fast for my brother.
I just want to pound the pavement...
I'm aching to my very core.
Completely aching.
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11 comments:
So sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Your post was very touching. I hope that you are able to find comfort in your faith. Hang in there!
I can't even imagine what you are going through. To watch one you love suffer, while you suffer yourself - it hurts to even think about it. You are strong, Mer. And your brother is strong too. Thinking of you both.
What a gift your brother has been and will continue to be in your life!! Crying as I write this, thinking about God is in all of this in some way. Praying that you feel his presence in every moment. HUGS!
Thinking of you and praying prayers of strength for you...of comfort...and peace.
Reading this and several of your other posts and just wanting to say that I'm reading and thinking of you. I don't know you very well or your story but I am touched here ...thank you for being so real and sharing your heart.
Also, a belated congrats on your marathon!
With tears: I am so sorry you are going through this, that your family has to suffer through this difficult time. As you are well aware there are no words, but continue to cling to the love you feel and the love you share with your brother coupled with your faith. I may not comment as often as I read, but you inspire me with every post.
~a tearful and dedicated follower
Sending you hugs Mere! I continue to pray for Chris, and his family. He is so blessed to have you as his sister. Love you.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
momshomerun.blogspot.com
Hugs and prayers...
Hugs, Meredith. And will add you to my prayer list.
Maybe 2012 is the year for HTC... run it for your brother?
Oh Meredith, my heart aches for you. I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. If you ever need me to help with anything, please let me know. I live 3 minutes from you! Sending love and prayers your way.
~Rebecca (Watson ;)
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