Heart Vs. Head - LA Marathon Recap

I woke up at 6:45 Saturday morning and glanced at the clock.  Excitement filled my body.  Knowing, the very next day, I would be toeing the line for the LA Marathon.

 Mom and I had a quick flight down to L.A. and headed over to the expo at Dodger Stadium.  It was amazing just being there.  Ready.  Prepared.  Finally there.

 

My Babysitter when I was little, Me, Mom

It had rained sideways on Saturday morning and was VERY wet.  A new use for pallets - bridges!

On Saturday night, Mom, Dianne (my old babysitter) and I headed to the Team Parkinson dinner.  It was awesome to be there.  Hearing stories of what Team Parkinson is doing for the Parkinson community and I even got to me Mohammed Ali's daughter, May May!  She was so incredibly nice!

 

 After dinner, we headed back to the hotel and took a look around.  We stayed at the Biltmore and it was beautiful!  I also found out that's where the Academy Awards used to be held.  We walked down the hall looking at the old pictures of movie stars.

Back in the room, excited as can be I laid out my gear...

 Crawled in bed...

And tossed and turned all night long.  I'm guessing I slept for about an hour.  Thankfully, I had slept great on Friday night!

4:30 and the alarm went off.  I bounded out of bed.  My head was ready.  My heart overflowed.  I got dressed and sat down with Sharpie in hand.  I had asked if anyone wanted a mile of prayers...

Of course, God didn't ask for prayers :) However, He is the Alpha and Omega.  The beginning and end.  I wouldn't be running this race without Him.

My verse

Flashing gang signs?  An action shot?  Not sure what Mom was taking a picture of :)

My beautiful Mom and I right before we headed out the door - 5:30

Throw away clothes on.  Posing in the lobby.

No, those aren't both mine :)  I was holding Mom's coffee, too.

I arrived at Dodger stadium and headed to the potty lines.  There was a ton of potties and tons of people.  I stood there for awhile.  Texting with my husband.  Loving that even though he was miles away, he was right there with me.  He is the best.  The absolute best!  I love you Babe!

As I finished up in the potty, I noticed there was NO sanitizer!  What???  And I'm supposed to have my fuel in my hands.  I jogged towards the corrals, hoping to find sanitizer and what do I hear, "Hey, do you have sanitizer?"  I turned to see a guy asking his mom.  She said, "yes!"  I stopped in my tracks.  Turned around, "Can I have some too??"  Oh, to be at a race :)

Off I went to the line to get into the corral.  Confused as there were both open and seeded corrals.  I was in a seeded corral, but there were tons of people in that line that were not seeded.  I stood chatting with 2 guys in line as we all started to worry about the 7:00 closing of the seeded corrals.  7:00 hit and the guys held my spot as I went up front to check things out.  I was going to wave at them if I got in.  Of course, there was no way I could see them from the front.  So, what does a girl do??  She climbs up on the fence to yell at them to go to the front of the line.  Yes, that was me yelling, "If you have a letter in front of your number, go to the front of the line!!"

I got situated.  Smiled big.  Giggled to myself a bit.  I was ready.  There was not an ounce of me that held any doubt.  I knew I had put in the hard work.  My training, my paces, it all pointed to what I was capable of.  I felt like I had a very realistic range.  3:38-3:45.  I was ready to kick some marathon butt and take names.

The elite females took off.  Then the wheelchair racers.  One of Pussycat Dolls sang the National Anthem and we took off.  It was amazing!  I smiled.  I glanced at my watch.  10:49.  This will not do!

I weaved and followed others as we got around the masses.  Up one hill, down another, I couldn't believe I was running in LA.  Smile...

I was feeling great.  I was praying.  I was hitting my paces.  Mentally preparing for a brutal hill around mile 4.  I had heard of this hill.  I had been pep talking for this hill.  And while it was a serious hill, I knew my Mom would be at the top.  I pushed on and saw her way across the street, "Pam!!!!", I yelled.  She saw me, I smiled big, off I went...

This was at the top of the hill!  An amazing building - the Disney Concert Hall

I love looking at that sequence of pictures.  23,000 runners.  That's how many I was told ran this race.  23,000.  The beginning was congested, but since the roads were entirely closed, it never felt crowded.  It was awesome to see the hundreds of people surrounding me at all times.

Still feeling decent, ready to tackle this thing.  Taken aback at the number of hills we were ascending and descending.  As much as I studied that course map, I really was not prepared for this.

The miles passed.  I prayed.  I thanked the Lord.  Smiling...

Somewhere around mile 7 I see a screen up ahead.  I run over a timing mat.  I see text messages and videos flashing on the screen and then, there she is, my sweet friend Amy, "Go, Mere, Go!!"  A gulp.  A little cry.  I fire on.

Mile 8.  My right foot is on fire.  I feel a blister on the ball of my foot.  Between my 1st and 2nd toe.  Crap.

Mile 9.  Oh my word.  My left foot too.  With each step comes the fire.  With each step I wince.  I begin breaking up the miles.

Mile 10.  Come on, Meredith!  My feet hurt so bad.  I do not know how I can finish this.  16 more miles.  Remember, Meredith??  16!!  It's your favorite distance for a training run!!  Smile!  You're running in LA.  If Meb can run crazy fast, with a blister that would eventually become infected, you can do this!  16!

"You are good, you are good,

when there's nothing good in me.

You are hope, you are hope,

on display for all to see.

You are HERE, you are HERE,

in your presence I'm made whole.

You are GOD, you are GOD,

of all else I'm letting go.

Oh, I'm running to your arms,

running to your arms,

the riches of your love,

will always be enough,

nothing compares to your embrace.

Light of the world, forever reign"

YOU are my lamp, oh Lord.

YOUR way is perfect.

You are my rock.

PLEASE make my feet like the feet of a deer.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

PLEASE get me to the finish line.

His way IS perfect.

I repeated these songs, these words, these prayers.  Over and over and over...

His way is perfect.

 

Half way.

I'm slipping.

My goal is slipping.

I'm trying to hold on.

 Somewhere around here, my long sleeve shirt that had guarded me from the breeze became too much.  I pulled over, threw my belt to the ground, removed my singlet, threw it to the ground, stripped off my shirt, tied it around my waste, put my singlet back on, put my belt back on, laughed at myself and headed on my way...

Up hills, down hills, flat, then up again.  And down.

Some of the hills I was able to "ride".  To pick up my pace.  Others, felt so steep that I just held on to not fall.

Feet burning.

Crying.

Another message board ahead.  Just as I get ready to pass it, my Amy's face, her voice,  "Go, Mere!!  Run like a Mother!!!"

Crying.

Wanting to text my husband.

Wanting to stop the pain.

Keep running, Meredith!  Do not stop!

And then, I just couldn't.  I was either going to stop altogether or I was going to cry out for help.  I texted Cory and a few friends...

"My feet are killing me.  I want to quit.  Pray."

I cried with each step.  I winced with each step.  My feet were on fire.  

8 more miles.

7.

I ran with my phone in hand.  Needing replies to my text.  Thankful for each one that came in.  Yes.  That was me.  Running, reading, crying, praying.

His way is perfect.

No excuses.

You can still get in under 4:00

GO!!

2 times I stopped to fill up my water bottles.

1 time I walked up a short hill.

My goal became to just get to that finish line.

And, come in less than my Vancouver time.

Please.

6.

POP!

In an instant, my foot hurt even more.  I felt the blister explode and I actually yelled out, "SON OF A GUN!!!  That really hurt!"

Yes.  That was me yelling at no one.  Just yelling.

Crying.

Wincing.

Almost there.

They could see my face as I ran by.

I could see it in there faces as they yelled, "looking strong, Meredith!!  You've got this!!  You're almost there."

Every time, I let out a disgusted laugh under my breath.  

This was not strong.

My strong was 3:40.

They were wrong.

I was failing.

If they only knew.

I counted down the miles until I would see my Mom's face.  I just wanted her face.  She would be around mile 25.  I could get to mile 25.  Then, I would only have 1 more mile.  Well, 1.5 really.  My Garmin was off by over a 1/4 mile the entire race.

It was sick.  But I laughed a little.  Not the happy, funny kind of laugh.  But, the kind that comes as you look around and see that you're "running" with hundreds of people and you all look like the walking dead.  People were dropping like flies, one had just collapsed screaming on the side of the road.  Another, laying quietly, in pain in the grass.  More and more walking.  Dropping.  It wasn't funny.  Truly.  But, what else do you do?

Wincing.  

Almost there.

Pushing.

The faster you make yourself go, the faster you will get there.

Go!

Then, I see Mom.  My friend since kindergarten, Rebecca, her Mom, and then...

Is that Amy?

No, that's not Amy.

Wait, is that AMY???

I grabbed her hand as I raced to the finish.

Pushing.

Crying.

Wincing.

No excuses.

Giving every ounce of everything I had.

Done.

4:12:01

Smiling.

I made it.

I wasn't disappointed.

I almost didn't get there at all.

I sent a picture to Cory, got my medal, got some water and found a spot to sit, stretch and call my sweet husband.  I longed to have him by my side and I was so thankful to be able to sit and enjoy the moment "with" him.

I made it out of the finishers area and looked for my Mom and friends.  Giving up.  I sat on the grass and called them.  What a blessing to have them all there.  Amy had driven from Phoenix to Palm Springs on Saturday and then she and her Dad had driven to LA that morning.  An amazing surprise.  An amazing friend.  So blessed!

Mom's view while waiting for me to emerge from the finishers area.  It was packed!

See that joy??  I need to stare at this longer.  THAT is a happy face!  THAT is a blessed girl!

Rebecca and I

Amazing!

We removed my shoes and holy cow!  The blister on my right foot, had indeed popped, and it went from the ball of my foot, between my toes to the front of my foot and up both my 1st and 2nd toes.  The one on my left foot only seems to be on the ball of my foot right under my toe.

Amy, Rebecca and I

We headed off to lunch and soon, Amy and her Dad headed on their way and we were off to the airport.

The airport?

Oh yes.

The airport.

Was there a shower anywhere in there?

Nope.

Check out was at 1:00.  We could have paid $50 for 2 more hours but, I'd rather eat and spend time with friends than spend $50 for a shower.

I stripped off my race clothes in the car.  Wiped myself down with some baby wipes.  And put on my Sugoi compression tights, dry shoes, my new (favorite of all time) race shirt and, of course, my medal :)

Of course I was going to wear my medal home.

I was the stinky marathon runner in her running clothes, wearing her medal, walking through the airport.

You're welcome travelers.

 

 

 It wasn't until we were in the airport and I was sitting, waiting, that it hit me.

Right in the face.

Disappointment.

I had failed.

And the worst part?

If only I hadn't shared my dream.

If only I had kept it to myself.

I wouldn't feel so stupid.

I would know that I had failed.

No one else would know.

Rational?

I'm told no.

I'm told I was strong.

I'm told I was a warrior.

I'm told that they're proud.

My heart and my head battle.

One is thankful to have finished, thankful to have PR'd, knowing HIS way is perfect.  God knew how it would go.  It is good.  A learning experience.  Thankful for all the messages of congratulations, of love.  Ready to tackle Eugene.  Ready to go on a run today even though she knows her feet would not be happy.

The other, is a cynic.  Frustrated.  Weeping.  Attacked by the "if only's".  Embarrassed.  Trying to wrap it's head around the fact that a 4:12:01 is so very far from what I believed I was capable of.  Thinking that 1/2's and leisurely 26.2's sound like much more fun.   Still longing for a leisurely, mind clearing, run today.

An odd place for this head and this heart.  LA was an amazing experience!  The course was beautiful and interesting and quite "colorful".  The volunteers and course support was beyond anything I could imagine.  The weather, that threatened of a terrible storm, was beautiful.  My Mom was there.  My good friends too.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that I saw Deena Kastor along the course too!  It was definitely something to cherish.  And, I will.  I promise.

I think, for now, I will work through all these crazy emotions.  I will fight off the mental demons that tell me I failed.  I will cling to God's goodness and the fact that He did, in fact, get me to that finish line.  I will look forward to Eugene.  I will give myself motivational speeches :)  After all...

“For You are my lamp, O Lord;
The Lord shall enlighten my darkness.
³⁰ For by You I can run against a troop;
By my God I can leap over a wall.
³¹ As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

³² “For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?
³³ God is my strength and power,
And He makes my way perfect.
³⁴ He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places."

2 Samuel 22:29-34