Look Away

I'm wondering if this is just all part of the marathon roller coaster...

I've felt strong. Excited. Confident. Proud. No regrets.

Right?

Then, day by day, it's farther.

It's now been a week.

And, if I didn't have a plan, I'm sure that I would be searching out the next marathon. Wanting to do it all again.

Right now.

Other than my 2nd toe in on both feet, my body feels better than I thought it could. I ran an easy 2.25 on Tuesday and while the 1st mile was slow, the 2nd mile felt amazing and I was surprised when my sore quads felt better after than they did before the run. On Wednesday, I went out for 5 and the miles flew by. A refreshing deep breath with a smile on my face the entire time.

This weekend, I hope to head out for 4-6, but, we'll see. I weeded all day yesterday and although I used sunscreen, I'm sporting a nice sunburn right where my sports bra needs to go. To be honest, it hurts to have a t-shirt touch it - having a hard time thinking about a sports bra rubbing against it!

That fresh air is calling though...

And then, like a dumb thief in the night, I've started doubting and regretting. Darn it!! For whatever reason I started thinking about my time yesterday.

My marathon time, my 4:21:42, has not disappointed me up until yesterday. It's tried. It has. As I looked at my watch last Sunday and I got to the last half I started to get disappointed. I made myself look away. There's a reason I haven't posted split times. I don't want to look.

Last night, I started wondering. Where was I at 20 miles? What was my time?? My stomach churned to think about it. I pushed it to the back and forgot about it until this morning.

Crap.

Why did I look?

Now, I want to cry.

Now, disappoint creeps in.

Now, I want to run another marathon RIGHT NOW!

Crap.

3:00:11

That's my time at 19 miles.

Then, came the big hill.

3:12:06 (that hurts to post that)

That's my time at 20 miles.

If I had hydrated better.

If only I hadn't walked up that hill.

If only.

I want to cry.

Crap.

4:00 was within reach and all the if onlys are creeping in.

Trying to hold on to the fact that it was my 1st. Holding on to the fact that I loved it. That I want to do it again. That I get to do it again. That I get to learn a little something every time.

Wondering if I will remember this next time? Wondering.

Now, I'm pushing it to the back. Now, it's time to enjoy my husband, my giggling kids, my yummy cup of coffee and the amazing sunshine that streams through my window.

Have a wonderful Sunday!

What's Next?

My good friend and running partner, Wendy, warned me ahead of time...

"Do NOT sign up for any marathons right after you finish Vancouver. Do NOT!"

I told her it would be no problem. After all, I didn't even know if I would WANT to run another marathon. Why would I sign up for one right away???

Now, I completely understand why she would say those words to me.

Just like the day after my wedding.

Just like the day after the birth of each of my kids (okay, lets face it, even just hours later).

Just like the day after Christmas.

I want to press rewind.

I want to do it all over again.

I want to do it now.

Crazy.

Absolute crazy talk.

Crazy to me because she knew. Why wouldn't she? She had done it herself. She did Rock 'n Roll Seattle in June, then Portland in October and Vancouver in June.

Crazy to me because while we're all so different, we're the same too. And this thing, the marathon, or really any other distance we love, gets into our brain, into our hearts, and we just want to do it again. And again.

Thankfully, I do have a plan. I know exactly what's up next. And after that. And after that.

Want to know??

Next up is the Eugene Women's 1/2. An awesome course. An amazing race. The best girls weekend you could hope for. I've already talked to my dear friends over at Runner's World (okay, okay, it's just smartcoach!) and I like the plan that I see. Hoping for a serious PR.

Then, in October, I'll get to run the race that started it all - The Girlfriend's 1/2 Marathon. A race that will always be near and dear to my heart. A race that many dear friends will be running and a race where I'll get to meet Miss Harmony!!!

And then??

On March 18th, 2012, I'll make a little journey from the Stadium to the Sea. That's right, the LA Marathon! So excited to share a special weekend with my mom and her dear friend and get to run a marathon too!

So many fun races to look forward to. So many miles to run. Knowing that I have a plan is helping to keep my excitement under control.

Now, to just control myself on my miles so I don't get hurt :) Made myself get out of the house and run errands this morning so I wouldn't put my running clothes on and go for a run instead. I know this body just ran 26.2. I know I'm supposed to give it some rest. But, man! I thought I loved running before and this marathon has only made me love it more!

Mere-athoner

Running to the finish line

Loved that as I was reading through my Facebook comments yesterday I saw one of the most clever comments ever.

From my dear friend Amy,

"You are a true "Mere-athoner"! Love you, so proud of you, can't wait to hear about it!"

I love it!!

I am a true "Mere-athoner"!

Still on cloud nine.

Still dreaming of next time.

Still feeling so incredibly blessed!

No Regrets

Well, I did it.

I am a marathoner.

And, it was amazing!

I can't remember what the results sheet said. But, I know there were the numbers 4:21 and some change.

And, guess what?

I am beyond proud of my finish time.

Want to know something else?

I thought I would be disappointed with anything over 4:20.

I'm not disappointed at all.

With each of my births, I always had some regrets. Things that I wanted to do differently the next time. Things I would change. Things I would so wish were different.

With this marathon, I have no regrets. I would do nothing differently. I would change nothing. I am completely content with how it went down.

Never again will I get to run my 1st marathon.

I wanted to cherish every moment.

And, cherish I did!

The race started right on time and we were off. The first few miles flew by and I was sure to keep my speed in control. I was feeling fantastic and couldn't help but think about how awesome it was to be running with all these people that have trained hard and love running like I do.

Around mile 13 I started to get pretty nauseous. My body was getting tired and I'm not kidding when I say that I was looking for safe places to puke. I seriously thought that it would be a good time to quit.

I'm not kidding.

But, then, as I glanced at my watch I realized I would see my family soon. My sweet family. I picked up my step and surged on.

As I got closer and closer to my family, my heart swelled. I could not wait to see them. In my original plan, I was going all out. I wouldn't have time to stop and give kisses. But, my sweet B's voice rang in my head, "Can I please have a kiss when I see you??"

How do you say no to that?

You only get the 1st marathon once.

I would do it right.


I saw my family and instantly had tears in my eyes. I beelined and gave each and every one of them kisses. And, since I had 5 kids and a husband to kiss, I'm sure that added about 10 minutes to my time :)

I switched out my water bottles for filled ones and headed on my way.


Seeing my family was just what I needed and then, as I got to the bottom of the hill I saw Heidi. My sweet friend who spent much of the race with me (in my head). Every time I would raise my face to the Lord to savor the moment I thought of Heidi. Every time. Her words rang in my ears and I was sure to savor the moment.

At 16 miles I was shocked that there were only 10.2 to go. While I was getting fairly tired, I was still feeling like I could keep my shuffle going for 10 more miles, no problem. However, I also was still struggling with keeping my shot bloks down and decided I would start walking while I ate... every 2 miles.

At mile 18 I was again shocked to be there and still feeling so good. 18 already??

Mile 19 and there was a HUGE hill. THE biggest hill I have ever attempted to run. I say attempted because the only reason I actually ran up half of it was because there were photographers half way up. I almost cursed at them as I ran by, but instead, started walking as soon as I passed them.

This hill was a killer and I saw NO ONE running up it. Not one single person. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

At the top was mile 20 and from here I soared a bit. I got a 2nd, 3rd?, 4th? wind and felt amazing.

Until mile 23.

At this point, I told myself I would run to the next post. Then the next one. Finally, I stopped to walk.

"I was pacing off of you!"

"Dang it!! Fine, I'll keep running."

I'd heard someone behind me and had no idea he was pacing off me. Off we went.

At mile 24 I thought about G and Tonia. "I did not train for 4 months to not bring it the last 2 miles." But, at this point I was beyond thirsty and although I knew we were so close, all I wanted was some water. Lots and lots of water.

I rounded the corner and saw my cheering angels. I looked at them, pleading, hearing cheers of, "looking good!! You're almost there!! You've got this!!!"

And then, there was another hill. I was starting to wheeze and again, the thirst was unreal. I told the man I was running with that I needed to walk. We both slowed and then I heard, "Come on girlfriend!!" It was my sweet friend, Lisa. In jeans, a sweater and knee high flat boots. She tried to get me to start running and I just couldn't. We started back up at the top of the hill and I looked ahead for a water station.

I have never felt so thirsty in my life.

We ran a bit more and I needed to walk again.

I just needed water.

Then, just up ahead we saw Ashley and her dad. They had ran the 1/2 together and had come to run me in. Lisa asked if they had any water and Ashley offered to run up to the next station and fill my bottle. We ran and walked and finally got to the station as Ashley was heading back to us.

I downed the filled water bottle.

Then, filled it again.

And drank all of that.

And 2 cups of gatorade.

I was thirsty.

We got going again and I started feeling stronger.

And stronger.

And we got closer.

And I raced to the finish line.

Strong.

Thankful.

Proud.

I saw my family right away and got hugs from all. It was such an amazing moment. One I won't forget.

I sat in the tub when we got home. Praising the Lord for His blessings. Praising the Lord for the gift of running. Praising the Lord for getting me to the finish line. He is so good.

So very good.


And, just like my thoughts after each of my births, I can't wait to do it again!!

Dear Meredith

You're almost there! What was once months away is now just around the corner.

3 more wake ups.

0 training runs to go.

404.2 miles trained.

You've got this.

Just a couple of things before you toe the line...

You are your biggest obstacle. Yes. You.

When that suck monkey comes, PUNCH him in the face. Remind him of all the miles you've trained. Of the repeats. Of the tempo runs. Of the hard 2o miler you pushed through and finished strong. Of the 16 that had you wanting to run an ultra. Remind him of the early morning wake-ups. That your body is entirely capable. Remind him.

When little Miss Pansy@$$ has you thinking it's okay to back off. That your time goal doesn't matter. That another minute or two makes no difference. Remind her.

When mile 7 hits. Smile. It's for your brother. And let's face it, the whole first half is his. Smile.

Remember what Julie D. has told you... to "Find Your Strong". "She Believed She Could, So She Did". Find your inner warrior. Push hard. Finish strong. She believes in YOU!

As do so many others.

Read the letter from G.

Pray.

Enjoy the ride.

Be in the present.

Enjoy God's blessings.

He loves you.

Running is a blessing.

Running your first marathon is a gift.

Remember.

And, finally, know that your finish time does not define your experience. It just doesn't. Give it everything you have. Know that you did all that you could. And, in the end, be proud of what you accomplished.

Let's do this!

Me

"I used to run with doubt. Now, she can't keep up." - Mizuno

1 Week

It's been crazy around my house. Absolutely crazy. Baseball with 2 kids. End of the year projects. Never ending yard work. Chickens and a dog to tend to. A marriage to keep healthy. Children to care for. Friends to pray for.

Life.

But, this morning, when I rolled over and looked at the clock, I only thought about one thing.

6:57

Giddy, I got a smile on my face. In one week, I will be toeing that marathon line. In one week, I will begin a journey of 26.2 that my brain cannot even begin to comprehend.

One week.

I had a beautiful run this morning. The sun was shining. It was warm. The flowers kept me entertained and in awe the entire run. I prayed. I marveled. I ran. I thought about the marathon.

I cannot believe it's only one week away.

I got done with my run and hopped in the shower. As I got out of the shower, I glanced at the clock. It was almost 11:00. I told Cory, in one week, I'll hopefully be getting close to that finish line.

One, stinkin' week!!!

I have no idea what to expect. I know what my goal is...

9:09

That's what I will need to average to hit my 4 hour goal.

Last weekend, I ran 12 in 8:58's. It was an amazing run in which I felt like I could have kept at that pace for many more miles. My goal is to stay under 9's (but, not too far under!) for as long as possible.

We'll see.

Even though I have this goal, I also know that I'll be glad to just finish. I know that there are no guarantees come race day. We are currently used to running in cooler temperatures. If summer actually decides to show up, I know that I may not be able to run as well. My body will have no idea what to do. I'm okay with that.

All I can do is my best. I want to know that I gave it my all when I cross that finish line. I want there to be no question. I want my tank to be truly empty.

I cannot wait.

1 more week. 2 more runs. 7 miles. Oh, and a 10 year old to celebrate!

Happy Running!