What's Your Goal?

I have a couple of sick kiddos at home and although I am beyond tired from the sleepless nights, I can say that one benefit of sick kids and lots of snuggles is lots of reading. Lots of reading!

I've been working on Hal Higdon's, Marathon. A great educational book that leaves me having an internal battle.

What's my goal?

I would be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that totally wants to go out and kick it in under 4:00. Yeah. I'm serious.

I would be lying if I said there wasn't a part a me that totally wants to go out, not think about time, listen to my favorite playlist that has both slow and fast songs on it and just finish... in under 4:30.

I would be lying if I said I would be completely fine with just finishing even if I had to walk some of it.

When I planned to run my first 1/2 I told myself I'd be thrilled if I ran an average of under 10 minute miles.

I was lying.

When I finished in 2:04:24 I was left disappointed. Analyzing what I could have done differently. What I would do better the next time. Under 2:00 was really my goal. 4:24 over that was not.

When I ran the Eugene Women's 1/2, I was just thankful to cross the finish line. Truly. But, 2:03:25 was getting closer.

I think that had I not actually reached my goal at the Girlfriend's 1/2, I would have seriously doubted myself.

Now, these are my goals. Mine. I'm proud of anyone who finishes these races. I think they are amazing regardless of their times. I just have a tendency to set higher expectations for myself.

So, as I sit reading Mr. Higdon's words, I battle. I know that I should go into it with a goal of just finishing. But, does anyone actually and truly do that? If they were being 100% honest, would they be able to say they have no time goal in mind?? Or, do I do as Mr. Higdon says and just finish. That way I have lots of room to improve for the next race? And the one after that?

I know I have many weeks and many long runs ahead of me before I have to decide how I want to run my race. For Pete's sake, my longest run has only been 14 miles! I suppose I'll have a better idea after I run my 1st 20 and my 2nd, 3rd and yes even the scheduled 4th.

One thing I know for sure, is that I am beyond excited. I look forward to each and every run because it's just one step closer. One muscle stronger. Mental strength built. I cannot wait!

Freezing 14

My sweet friend Ashley was kind enough to help me knock out my 14 miler this weekend and while I knew she was fast, I really had no concept of what that meant to have her running by my side.

Pour, sweet, friend was trotting beside me as I asked what pace she usually had for her long runs. I told her she was welcome to leave me at any time. Pour. Sweet. Friend.

Really, the run did feel great. For the most part. Around mile 11 or 12 my legs started getting pretty tired and I told her that it was in those moments where I wondered if I could really go the whole 26.2. I mean, after all, here we were, running at a 9:10 average and I was pooped already. How was I going to do that for 26.2?? Then, we got to the last mile and I was able to kick it up to finish with an 8:42 mile. The fact that I still had some gas left helped me feel more optimistic.

And, I know, there are many more weeks of training. Lots of tempo runs and repeats. Lots of long runs. I can do it. And really, in the time it took me to warm up in the shower, I was already looking forward to my 16 miler and was a tiny bit sad that this week is only a 6 miler.

As it says in my title, it was also a freezing 14 miler. Before we even got started, I was cold. The rain had started coming down and there was a bit of a breeze. We both commented that it was cold but figured we would warm up once we started running. That really never happened. I just got colder. And colder. And colder. And by the time I was done with the run, I could no longer feel my hands.

What made it more fun was the fact that I couldn't get my key off the little key holder in my pack. And, while I stood by my car soaking wet, I stared and fumbled with my dumb key. What was I going to do??

I finally just unlocked my car with my pack attached to my key and started to try again. I could not get my fingers to work! I then started my car with my pack still attached to my key, peeled off my dripping hat, my drenched jacket and my beyond drenched shirt.

There I stood in my tights and sports bra. Teeth chattering. Freezing. Not functioning so well. What's next I thought? I had brought a nice, warm fleece to thrown on after the run, but was so wet and cold that I didn't want to put it on over my bra. So, what does a freezing cold, slightly irrational girl do?? Right, she climbs in her car, shuts the door and proceeds to try and take the whole top off. Only, there are clasps. And my fingers are numb. Do I just sit there and wait for Ashley to come help. No. I can do this. Struggling. Fumbling. Finally. Then, I sit there trying to figure out how to get my sweatshirt on. Lovely. Sweatshirt on. Heat blasting. Still needing to free my key. More fumbling. The key gets free and goes flying across the front seat. Lovely. Freezing. Finding my key. It took me a good 15 minutes just to get out of the parking lot. I have never been that cold from a run! Ever!

But, like I said, by the time I had thawed and warmed up I was looking forward to my next long run. I seriously cannot wait! Just hoping that the rain will let up a bit next time :)

Let's Get This Party Started

Last year, I was blessed to receive Run Like A Mother: The Book from a dear friend.

It made me laugh. It made me cry. And it made me feel like I had a new friend running the journey with me. It was so good that I was sad when it ended. I wanted more!

Thankfully, there has been more. There was this moment, there's an RLAM blog and there's even an RLAM facebook page.

Love me some RLAM!

If you haven't read the book yet, I completely recommend you run and get it right away.

RLAM has been such a part of my journey that it seems crazy to me that they're just gearing up to celebrate their 1 year RLAMiversary!!!

1 year!

Sounds like a great reason to celebrate, right??

And, if you live in the Pacific NW, there's even more to celebrate. Sarah is hosting an RLAMiversary party right here in Portland!

Here are the details...

RLAMiversary RUN

Saturday, April 9th

9:30-12:30

RiverPlace Athletic Club

0150 SW Montgomery

Portland, OR 97201

(Hosted by Sarah Bowen-Shea)

3- or 5-mile fun, non-competitive run (all paces welcome). Afterward, refreshments--and well-stocked goodie bags--await all participants. Eat, chat, mingle, and hopefully win some excellent swag. Books and tees will be available for purchase--or just bring your copy to be signed. SBS will be in Portland, while Dimity is partying with Denverites.

I'm so stinkin' excited!! And to add even more fun to the mix, my first 20 miler is scheduled for that morning. How fun will that be to finish up my 20 with fellow RLAMers?? I seriously cannot wait!!

So, if you live in the area, come, celebrate, run, laugh and maybe you'll even cry! Not to mention get a little deep breath before heading back to enjoy the weekend with your family. Because, truly, who doesn't need a little deep breath now and again to be a better Wife, Mom and friend?

Hope to see you there!!

Just One VS. Only One

Yesterday's run was to be a tempo run with 4 miles at 8:41.

.25 into the warm-up mile and I knew I was in trouble... taking it "easy" and warming up at a 9:34 pace was kicking my rear!

I was tired. My legs were tired. I talked myself into just 1 more mile.

Warm-up done I kicked the speed up to 6.9 and kept that there until the current song was over. 7.0 it was from there to mile 2. The entire mile was spent talking myself into it. Less than 6 minutes, less than 5, less than... you get the picture.

Just make it one mile.

Beginning of mile 3. If I can finish this I'm half-way through. Picturing the track. Picturing the finish. Just one more...

Phew!

Half-way. Just one more. I'm not kidding.

You've got this. Breath. Focus. Nearing the end of the 3rd mile at tempo, the just 1's start getting pushed aside and the only 1's come out to play.

It's only 1 mile. What does one mile do? Really? Only 1. You've pushed hard. You've done 3 at tempo. You should just call it a day.

Nope. Sorry.

It's not only 1. It's just 1! And, I can do it!

Last mile at tempo. Counting down. Pushing hard. Got it!

Yesterday's run was not just a tempo run. It was also a mental training run. My body and mind were at war with that treadmill. My body and mind were tired. But, my mind was able to push past the crossed eyes and conquer. And while it was a hard run, I felt amazing at the end of it!

Triumphant!

warm up mile, 8:41, 8:36, 8:41, 8:26, cool down mile. 6 miles in 53:17!

Looking forward to running "just" 14 miles on Saturday!

You're Welcome

To all the moms with less than 5 children,

You're welcome.

Seriously. You. Are. Welcome.

I realized yesterday why I don't like to do my make-up, my hair, or get out of my sweats/running gear . It's because of you. And, you're welcome.

I do it for you.

I realized that I would never want someone to think that I am better than I am. I've actually had people say to me that when they are having a hard time, they think, "if Meredith can do it with 5, then surely I can do it with 2 (or whatever # of children it is that they have)."

I never like to make people feel like less than what they are. And I am surely not one who wants to cause people to believe Satan's lies that they suck.

So, for all of you. Again, you are welcome.

And, maybe this will cause you to love that woman at the store in her sweatpants, frazzled hair and haggard face. Maybe, instead of judging her and thinking that perhaps she should have put a brush through her hair before she left home, that perhaps her children's faces could have been washed - maybe, just think thankful thoughts. Maybe she's doing it for you too.

I mean, after all, who doesn't love to make someone feel better. I know I do!

So, for you, I wear what shows how I feel. For you, I will take one for the team. For you, I'm willing to look like crap.

And for my husband, I promise that when we go on dates I'll make myself look pretty :)

You're welcome.

Funky Rambles

I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Not sure if it's hormones. Not sure if it's life. Pretty sure it's a combination of many things. Frankly, I'm sick of it.

The day can be going along great... The kids playing nicely. Great runs done. Chores getting done. Dog behaving. Then, in a flash, it's as if a bomb explodes, the kids decide to start fighting, the dog decides to start acting as if she's on crack, I get overwhelmed, my stomach starts churning and before you know it my nerves are shot and I feel like I'm going to puke.

On the bad days, I turn to food. I'm an emotional eater and tortilla chips and sour gummy candies are my friends. My comfort. Which, of course, leads to me feeling like crap and having 5 lbs. to lose yet again. A crappy cycle.

This week, I vowed to not eat tortilla chips or gummies for a whole week. Hard core, right? A whole week. How could it be done? Hoping you can sense the sarcasm...

But, seriously, as the week has unfolded I've found myself down, days where the tears won't stop, when I hear of more trials and I want to puke. Then eat. But, I vowed.

Yesterday was my repeats on the 'mill. Which did end up going great! I hit my times and was perfectly puketified by the end. The day was going great. Then, the phone rang. The rest of the day was spent with my head spinning. Lots of praying. And by last night, I was wanting to get on the 'mill again as that seems to be some of my best time with God. Something about the act of running helps me stay focused and my conversations with God are cherished.

While I didn't go for a run (I try to be smart sometimes) I was glad that it wasn't the food that I was wanting to turn to. What would normally make me dive head first into the huge bag of chips from Costco made me want to literally run to God.

As I spent so much time praying and thinking about friend's trials yesterday, one thought kept coming to my head, "If life were easy, we wouldn't need God." So true. So true. And as I fell asleep praying that God would wrap his arms around so many, I also prayed that He would make my head quit spinning. That my stomach would stop churning. That we all would get some rest.

Thankful for a God to run to. Thankful for lessons. And trials. Truly. Thankful I'm learning (this week, at least!) to turn to God, not food. Looking forward to an easy 3 with Him today. Looking forward to 12 this weekend. And loving that the sun is shining through the clouds outside my window.

Speedwork

I'm sitting here with butterflies swirling in my stomach.

I've done 2 tempo runs on the mill.

That, I can do.

Today?

Mile repeats.

1 mile warm-up.

3X1600 @8:09's with 800 recovery jogs.

1 mile cool down.

I haven't done repeats since before the Girlfriend's 1/2.

And this is what I did.

I haven't read that in awhile. And honestly? It just made me cry.

I think that part of my anxiety lies in the fact that I don't know what to expect out of repeats on the 'mill. I had thought about heading to the track, but I don't own a Badda$$ Mother Runner shirt. So when I saw the forecast and it showed rain blowing sideways my pansy self decided that the 'mill would be the way to go. This part of my anxiety has me doubting myself.

Then, there's the other side. Will I push myself enough on the mill? Or will I settle. Will I settle on 8:09's when I know there's more in me?

Think I'll go read my old post again for inspiration and head to the 'mill and hopefully have the most puketastic time ever!