Girlfriend's Half Marathon 2011

It's been 3 days since I ran the Girlfriend's Half Marathon.  Three days that I've been processing the race.  Three days of feeling a little blah about the whole thing.  Three days of wondering why in the world I'm so blah...

In the days leading up to the race, I had zero anxiety.  I was not putting pressure on myself.  I was not building the race up to be more than it should be.  I would start to think about pace and finish times and make myself stop.

I truly went into the race with no goal in mind.  Okay, maybe a small hope for a 1:50, but, really, my only goal was to go hard as long as I could.  To never tell myself, "I can't do this."  To enjoy the run.  To never tell myself to hold back.  I knew, going into it, that with my "plan" I would either fall on my face or succeed.

As I talked to a sweet friend before the race she skeptically asked if I would keep the 1st mile easy.  When I explained the reason for my "plan" she stood behind me 100%.  My race was an experiment.

I get so mental when it comes to races.  Anxiety takes all my energy.  I believe, that's why 1:56:xx was my number for 2 halves in a row.  I held myself back too much.  Not wanting to give too much too soon.  By the time I was down to the last 4 miles, I was done.

I didn't want to continue that pattern.

The problem with not building up a race?  I think it led to me being neither excited nor disappointed about the race.  It led to me wanting to do another half sooner than later.  It's an interesting place to be...

I think that I'm also struggling with the fact that this race was not what it was last year.  There was no Girlfriend's dinner the night before.  There were so many friends who were no longer racing.  It lacked the "specialness" of last year.

Add to that, the fact that Harmony is heavy on my heart.  That Harmony was supposed to be there.  That Harmony was not.  That she now faces an entirely different kind of race.  It feels weird to me to even to talk about it...

As I thought about just letting it go.  About not even blogging about it, I realized I can't do that.  My blog is my journal.  It's my history.  I would be skipping a page if I didn't write it out.  So, even with all the blah, here it is...

 Sunday morning started with a surprisingly calm tummy and wide eyes.  I checked Facebook as I drank my coffee and ate my oatmeal and saw a message from Jill.  As we chatted, I asked if she was going down to the race with anyone.  She wasn't.  I offered to pick her up.  There.  That's a little better.  At least I would be heading to the race with a friend :)

I loved that as I pulled up to Jill's house I noticed that we were twins.  So fun!

Taken from Kim's blog

 I had thought we had given ourselves plenty of time.  However, by the time we had stopped to talk to friends I was having to go to the bathroom bad and the port-o-potty line was less than friendly.  I hopped in line after making sure to ask the person in front of me if she was also in the potty line.  Didn't want to assume.  After what was probably 5 minutes we found out that we were NOT in the potty line.  Seriously???  As a group of us shifted to the actual potty line I got ticked and went to check my bag.  Thankfully, Kim was there saying I should get back in line.  Thankfully, she offered to check my bag for me.  Thankfully, when she came back and we stood in the line, she told me I needed to go before the race.  That it was chip timed.  That my time would NOT start until I did.  As I tried to keep warm by jumping up and down, I was REALLY glad that I had stayed in line.  I finally made it to the front of the line and threatened to take anyone down who got between me and the potty.  Seriously.

As I did my thing, I heard everyone take off.  This was NOT my idea of a good start...

I bolted from the bathroom and found myself in a sea of walkers.  Walkers.  Walkers.  Everywhere.  It.  Was.  Crazy.  And frustrating.  Holy cow.  I found myself irritated.  Trying to keep from saying, "are you kidding??"  Walkers lined the road from one side to the other.  It was a wall of people and I was trying to weave my way through the masses.  I continued to weave for about 2 miles until I was able to get on a sidewalk while everyone else was on the road.

8:39
8:18

425 was my Canadian friend :)

 I saw my family around mile 2 and was so excited to hear them cheering for me.  I gave high fives as I passed and kept on focusing.  Around this time, one of the runners asked me, "how far is this race?".  I didn't even know what to say.  I looked at her wondering, really??  You just decided to run a race not knowing the distance?  I finally answered with, "13.1 miles.  Is this your first half?"  Big sigh of relief as she explained that it wasn't and that she was from Canada.  Made me laugh a little.

The miles flew by and I stayed focused on my body.  Wanting to walk the line of pushing hard, not wanting to be comfortable, but not pushing so hard that I wouldn't be able to keep the pace.

8:16
8:13
8:00
8:17

I was starting to feel it.  Half way there.  Don't stop now...

8:28

There's my family.  Oh, how I love them!!

Come on, Meredith!  Hold on.  Don't think, just run.  You've got this.

Then, I heard it, I had just passed Eryn and Julie and clear as day I heard Julie, "Don't think about it!!"

I was fading.

8:36

Here comes Julie, she throws her sign on the ground and runs with me up the hill.  At this point, my average was 8:22.  At this point, I was just trying to hold on.  At this point I reminded myself that I had committed to this experiment.  I couldn't back out now.  I couldn't waste it.

Julie got me up the hill and told me to fly on the downhill.

8:39

I was losing it.  I wanted to walk.  I told myself that any pace was faster than walking.  Mindgames are so funny.

Around mile 10, there was an aid station.  I had some gatorade in my pack, but it was so sweet.  I was hoping theirs would be better.  I walked a few steps as I drank it down.  Then, I saw them, Eryn and her Mom and their camera, "Do NOT take a picture of me walking!!!"  With that, I heard all the volunteers start laughing.  I wasn't kidding.  I had not worked that hard to get my picture taken during the 5 walking steps of my half!

8:56

Can I be done now?

The girl in the Luluskirt whom I had kept in my sites the entire race.  The girl I had passed on the hill with Julie, passed me.  I never saw her again...

9:23

My family.  My sweet family.  Oh, how I love them and oh how I did not want to run up the hill that was just past them.  At the top of the hill I thought about walking again.  I didn't.  But, I was sure tempted.  Girls started passing me one after the other.

9:33

The final hill.  Eyes on the ground.  I don't even want to look at what I'm climbing.  Focus.  Focus.  You're almost there.  It's okay if you want to puke.  Shoot.  It's okay if you do puke.  Don't stop now.  Kick it.  GO!!

9:01

I gave it all I had that last half mile.  I knew that I was within reach of a PR.  I knew that I could rest when I was done.

 I was so happy to see the finish line.  I was so happy that I was sure I had PR'd.  I was so happy to see my family.  To hug my husband.  Done.

After the race, Jill, my Mom and I headed to Lapellah for lunch with Julie, Ashley, Kim, Amanda, Tasha, Jill's friend and 2 of Tasha's friends.  It was so fun to be able to chat and laugh and celebrate girlfriends.

As I think about my little experiment, I'm glad I did it.  Looking at my times, I really feel like a 1:50 is within reach.  If I were to hold back the first mile or 2 and bump it from there, I think I could make it happen.  I'm almost thinking I might just race myself in a couple of weeks experiment a bit more.  We'll see.

Oh and my time? 

1:52:11

A 4 minute 14 second PR.

Experiment considered a success!