Found

16 miles almost 2 weeks post marathon.

16 miles in the pouring rain.

16 miles in the hills.

16 miles in new shoes that I'm still unsure of.

16 miles on a knee that needs plenty of stretching.

16 miles that had me more anxious than I've been in a long time.

What if I can't?

What if my body won't??

My goal was to start slow and get progressively faster, but never push it. 

My goal was to keep it easy.  Or, as easy as 16 miles, 2 weeks post marathon, in the hills, in the pouring rain can be.

9:17
9:10
8:59

These make me smile.  Almost perfectly on my target of 9:20, 9:10 and 9:00...

8:59
8:45 - 1st fuel - Clif shot gel
8:45

More smiles at the consistency of these miles...

8:43
8:57

This is where I hit the turn-around point.  This is where I had a decision to make.  I could either turn around and head back up the hill, or, I could be a pansy and stay on the relatively flat roads and just do a loop.  I decided to "Find My Strong" since I could tell my "weak" was just about all used up.

8:53
8:55 - 2nd fuel - Clif shot gel
8:58

Getting tired and sore.  Anticipating the 1 mile climb ahead of me...

9:30 (1 mile uphill)

Stopped to stretch my knee and catch my breath.  That hill gets me every time.  I just kept repeating...

"Oh, I'm running to your arms,

I'm running to your arms,

The riches of your love,

Will always be enough.

Nothing compares to your embrace,

light of the world,

forever reign"

I kept thinking...

"Maybe strong is just what you have left, when you've used up all your weak.  Find your strong!"

9:11
9:10
9:01

It took every ounce of will and strength to keep going.  My body was telling me it wanted to walk the last mile home.  I was sore.  My knee wanted more stretches - of which I did oblige.  And then, I pushed to my finish line.

8:49

I finished up as achy as I am after 26.2.

I finished up completely pooped.

I finished.

I accomplished what I set out to do.

16 miles.

In the hills.

In the rain.

At an easy pace.

Done.

I used up my weak.

I found my strong.

4 weeks, 2 days until race day.

Off To Find My Strong

16 miles in the hills.

Belly anxious as ever.

What if I can't?

What if I don't?

What if my body won't?

"Maybe strong is just what you have left, when you've used up all your weak."  Saucony

Find Your Strong

LA Stats and Pics

It's a shame that I am not competitive with others.  If I was, these stats would be amazing!  I finished faster than the majority.  Shoot, I even ran faster than Alison Sweeney's 4:30 and Sean Austin's 4:25.  However, I don't truly care about their times.  I wanted to be faster.  About 30 minutes faster... 

 And, if I was truly honest, I would admit that this smile was not heartfelt.  But, it still makes me smile...

There is no smile in this picture.  I was running the last stretch.  I was hurting.  I was focused.  I love it.  And, do you see the phone in my hand??  Thank you to everyone who texted me such wonderful words of encouragement!  I truly needed them!

Dear 26.2

Dear 26.2,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that while running in LA, thoughts such as this crossed my mind...

I don't want to do this again...

Maybe 13.1 is my distance...

What am I thinking?

How is this fun?

I'm sorry that I doubted my love for you.

As I looked through race day photos today I realized something...

You, 26.2, my marathon, are my favorite.

You make me smile.

I look through those pictures.  Some show pain.  Some show a smile.

But, do you know what they all show?

Strength.

Perseverance.

Hard work.

Faithfulness.

There is something about them.

I almost don't recognize myself.

There almost seems to be a glow.

As if the joy that I feel when I'm running seeps through.

Even in pain, there is joy.

Just like even in fog, there is still light.

God's light.

That's what it all comes down to.

26.2, thank you!

Thank you for being there.

For providing me so much time with my God.

And to be completely honest,

I'm very very thankful that I don't have to wait that long to see you again.

I'm thankful you are not months, but weeks away.

Until then,

I will be running.

I will be smiling.

I will be training.

I will be praying.

I will be praising.

And when I toe your line again, I pray that I am able to enjoy all that you have to offer.

Yes, even the pain.

Fondly,
Meredith  

Mama's Got a New Pair of Shoes

I headed to my local running store yesterday to get a new pair of kicks.

You see, mine, my hefty duty, Saucony Stabils, were on their last leg :)

I had attempted to run 12 miles yesterday morning with sweet Julie, but only made it to 7.5 before I was hobbling back to the car with knee pain.

At first, I attributed my knee pain to the fact that I had just run a marathon on Sunday.

And then, I realized, I was over 400 miles on my shoes. 

The point when my shoes start causing me pain.

Off I went and the "conditions were perfect" as Flight of the Conchords would say...

My favorite running store was having a sale on EVERYTHING!

And I only had 2 kiddos with me.

Perfect!

I am very loyal to my local running store.  I would rather go there and know that I am getting exactly what I need.  I would rather go there so I can have all my questions answered.  I would rather go there and support them then try and find a less expensive pair of shoes that may or may not be just what I need.

My local running store is my Disneyland.  I remember going one time with my husband and as we walked out he said, "I think you have a little pee running down your leg."  I get that excited.  To feel the running tights, shorts and shirts.  To pick up my fuel.  I could probably just sit on the bench, in complete silence, and have a smile on my face.

I had one of my favorite employees helping me.  Very knowledgeable.  Very patient.  A blessing to this girl who gets flustered and has so much to learn.  I told him I needed a new pair of shoes and he asked what ones.  I told him the Stabils, but that I was also interested in trying on the equivalent in Brooks.  I truly did not want to waste his time, but I'd been told about the Brooks and I was very intrigued.  He brought both pairs out, put the Brooks on my feet and let me take them for a little test drive in front of the store.

I didn't love them.

I know that people do, but I didn't.

I was talking to my Mom about shoes the other day.  That just because a shoe is a good shoe, does not mean it's a good shoe for everyone.  Our feet are not one size fits all.

These Brooks, were not good for me.

Then, he asked me a question.  And another.  He got a gauge of my running.  What I was training for.  How many miles I run.  And then...

"When was the last time you had your gait analyzed?"

I had my gait analyzed over 2 years ago when I first started running.  At that time, the Saucony Stabils were the 1st of 3 pairs that I tried on and my favorite by far.

My Stabils have taken me far.  They are sturdy.  They help with my overpronation.  They have kept me free of injury.

However, yesterday, I was told that it was probably time to graduate (okay, my words.  Not his.)

He had me hop on the treadmill and then we looked over the video.

And interesting thing... 

I definitely overpronate on my right side.  However, my left side stays in perfect, neutral position.

We talked about my stride, how my foot hits the ground, cadence...

And then, he brought them out...

1 pair of Saucony Omni 10s and 1 pair of Asics Kayano's.

Both of them looked so pretty :)

The Asics were first.  Oh, I really liked them.

Then, the Sauconys.  Oh, I REALLY liked them too!

Saucony on the left.  Asics on the right.

OH!!

If I could only buy both.

But, I could feel my heart pulling for the Sauconys.  They are my shoes after all.  They've gotten me far.  They've taken care of my body.  My Sauconys.

But, what if the Asics were better for me?

Decisions.  Decisions.

My heart said Saucony.

My mind said, but what if the Asics are better for me?

I don't want my loyalty to keep me from trying something that might be better for me.

My heart said Saucony.

Then, while my heart pulled to the Saucony's I asked, "What's the cost?"  Maybe that would help me decide...

Saucony - $110

Asics - $150

Um.  Yeah.

My heart shouted  Saucony :)

And, I graduated to much cuter shoes :)

And, of course they're Sauconys.

Sauconys are my shoe. 

Why would I even think that my heart would pull toward any other??

Hello, Meredith!

Although I did not want to get up this morning when the alarm went off, once I was up, I noticed something different.

As I made coffee, got the kids breakfast and made lunches, I noticed something different.

And then, I realized...

Oh, there you are!!!

The fog had lifted.

The fog that has covered me all week.

The fog that has had me in tears.

The fog that has held disappointment.

The fog that has had me tired.  Couch potatoed.  And not wanting to talk to friends.

It had lifted. 

I was back.

I was present.

I was smiling.

I saw a glimpse of myself yesterday morning as I heard the giggles throughout my house.

Beautiful snow had fallen Wednesday night and we awoke to about 3" of gorgeous, fluffy, snow on the ground.  The kids had a 2 hour late start and as soon as they were done with breakfast, Jackson, Ella and Brenton bundled up and headed outside.

I stood at the window.  Gazing.  Smiling.  My cup was overflowing.  I could not be more blessed.

And then, yesterday afternoon, B and I snuggled in my favorite chair, snuggled underneath my favorite blanket, in my favorite room, in front of a toasty warm fire.  He played his DS.  I read Catching Fire.  There was a consistent flow of,

"Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you!"
"I love you too, Buddy!"

"Brent?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you!"
"I love you too!"

Kisses on heads and cheeks.

Heart full.

Cup overflowing.

Smiling.

God is good.

So, this morning, as I realized that the fog had lifted, I looked forward to the day.  I looked forward to running outside.  I looked forward to some peace and quiet with God.

Our little piece of the world was actually covered in a thick fog this morning.  Fog that had me thinking of a dear friend who reminded me to remember that the fog seems thickest right before it lifts.  She reminded me of this before the marathon and to me, this covers not only running, but life.

And with that, I'm fairly certain that she will always be with me on my foggy runs.

And when the fog seems to have descended on my own mind, I'll think of her too.

This morning, I praised the Lord for the gift of running.  For smiles and fog.  I praised and prayed for my dear friend as we spent 6 glorious miles together.  Her.  God.  And me. 

I'm thankful for these moments of "clarity".  When my brain starts working again.  When I see things in a different light.  When I am not shut off.  When deep breaths come easy and often.  When I'm smiling inside and out.

It's pretty much my favorite :)

My clear head has started thinking ahead.

Thinking of Eugene.  Excited.  Not dreading.  Excited.  Not overwhelmed.

However, besides the blisters, LA gave me another unwelcome gift.

Doubt.

Or, perhaps, it was just a dose of reality.

As Ashley pointed out today, I've had more good runs with good paces than bad.  Unfortunately, LA was not one of those good days.

And, it has caused me to have different expectations of Eugene.

A mind that sees my paces written out and sees that 3:45 can happen with a very conservative start.

A mind that then says, oh, but a 3:50 would still be so nice.

A mind that then says, truly, even a sub 4:00 would be beautiful.

Before LA, I never doubted that I could hit any of those times.

Doubt.

Or reality.

Or a bit of both.

As it's said, over and over and over again, respect the distance.  Anything can happen on race day.  Anything.  Be prepared.  Bring your best.  Give your best.

And then, praise the Lord that you get to be running at all!

What Went Right/What Went Wrong

What Went Right

I relied, with my whole mind, body and soul, on my God.

HE got me to that finish line.

I hydrated well all week.

I rested.

I ate well.

I may have felt like I had gained 20 lbs, but as of Saturday morning when I stepped on the scale, nothing was gained.

I was positive.  I did not let the suck monkey take me down.  At no time during the race did I question my ability, I only mourned for what I knew the race should be.

I made it to the starting line with no injury, no doubt, only a smile and praise for my Savior.

I prayed for friends.

I was thankful.

I cherished, savored...

I relied on God.

What Went Wrong 

Excuse the gross foot shot.  This post is for me...

That angry red spot?  That's what's left of the blister.  The one that popped during the marathon.  The one that made you scream out in pain.  Yeah.  That one. 

The one on the other foot is a bit smaller. 

I keep trying to figure this one out.  Blisters.  I haven't gotten a blister since marathon #1 and that was from the seam that rubbed the outside of my toe. 

Blisters.

I ran all of my long runs in the socks I wore on race day.

I never glide my feet on my long runs.

Blisters.

The only thing I can figure is that yes, 26.5 is more that 22, but they started at mile 8...

My next theory, there were A LOT of up and down hill sections.  A lot!  More than my body is used to.  My shins and quads are still screaming at me and that only reiterates this fact.  What I think happened is my foot slid back and forth.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  My foot was not happy.

What I think happened is that months ago I was told my shoes may be a size too big.

I had no problems with them so I changed nothing.

Perhaps, the fact that they are a size too big+the hills=blisters.

I have a bit of an anxiety problem.  I've wondered before and I'm sure I'll wonder again, does the build up, the anxiety, the pressure?  Do these things cause a negative effect on my body?  What do I do about that?

Was I over confident?

I keep wondering about my beginning pace.

But, really, it wasn't that I hit a wall.  I just flat out was in pain with every step.

Regardless, here are the splits.  Remember, this is for me.  This is to learn.  Not to be embarrassed by (this is MY pep talk)

8:19
8:16

These look fast, but really there were BIG downhills and I was just going for a ride.  I felt like it would be a waste to hold back and this is what my 3:40 pace called for.

8:32
8:33

Still close to paces.  Going up hills.

8:46
8:50

This was the big hill by the concert hall.

8:25
8:12

And down we go again.

8:47
8:49

And up.

9:41 - I think this is where I stripped off my shirt
8:46

Pain.

8:45
9:08

Pushing.

10:34
9:41

Pushing.  Ready to quit.

11:04 - Send out a text
10:26 - Walk up a hill

11:26
12:12

Refilling water.  Crying.  Reading texts of encouragement.

10:18
10:52

Really still trying to "run"

9:36
10:09

That was me pushing as fast as I could.

Forgot to turn my watch off, but I must have had some sort of kick.  Best time says 8:03

It's hard for me to look at these paces.  To watch it slip away.

All I can do is learn from this experience and hold on to the fact that my God got me to that finish line.

Regardless of the fact that I did not meet my goal, I did have an amazing experience.  The people who put on the LA Marathon did an amazing job.  They seem to have learned from their mistakes from the past and put on an awesome, awesome marathon! 

As I rest my body, I prepare for #3. 

Eugene.

I already have a plan.  But, plans can change.  For now, I'm thinking my pacing will look like my 16 mile training runs.

9:10
9:05
9:00
8:50
8:40
8:30
And then hang in the 8:20 for as long as my strong body and mind will hold on :)

I think that this is the best plan for me.  It's what my body seems to like.  I believe it's what will help me get closer to my goal.  Because, truly, every step closer, is still closer.