You know how the adults in Charlie Brown's world sound like this??
"Wah wah wah. Wahwah wahwah. Wah wah."??
Yeah.
Pretty sure that's what I sound like to my children.
Yesterday was going along perfectly. Focused. Cleaned the toilets (and the sinks and mirrors too!) Fed Mr. B. Changed into my running clothes. So excited to get my run on and do a little tempo run.
A tempo run thinking about an amazing woman who went to dance with Jesus yesterday. A woman who inspires me to live and love better. A woman who, every time I hear the song, "Do It Anyway" by Martina McBride, I think of. I didn't know her well but loved every bit that I knew. I once wrote something on Facebook about realizing that not every one wanted to hear about my running stuff. Her response was something like, "it's your Facebook page. You post whatever you want!" She encouraged me and supported me when we would hear of my brother's cancer coming back again. And again. Her eyes glowed. She exuded joy. She radiated Christ's love. She was an angel here on earth. An angel that reminded me of another angel... My husband's Mom who passed away in 1997. When I heard that Jenna went to be with Jesus yesterday, I pictured the 2 angels dancing, singing and praising our God together. I couldn't help but smile.
Yesterday's run was for Jenna.
Inspired and excited, I told the kids, "Mom's got a really hard run today. Please play in the family room. Please don't try and talk to me. I won't be able to hear you or talk to you. Thank you!"
Smiling for Jenna.
Off I go.
Warm-up mile - floating on air.
Mile 1 at tempo. Kick it up. Feeling good. Feeling strong. Apparently feeling stronger in my head than I'm actually capable of. 1/2 mile in...
"Mom!!!! wahwah wahwah wahwah!!!"
Seriously???
Stop the treadmill.
"Are you okay? Stay in the family room! Stop fighting!!"
Start the treadmill.
2.5 in...
"Mom!!!! The phones ringing!!"
"I don't care. I can call them back!"
"Wahwah wahwah wahwah!!!"
"I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW!!!"
Oh my word!
Go.
I started too fast. At this point I feel like puking. And passing out. I can't keep it up.
Slow it down.
More.
And more.
"MOM!!!..."
At this point, I'm ready to quit. It's starting to look impossible. I'm barely halfway through. I have no steam left. My kids are obviously not listening to me. I should just quit.
Instead...
Do It Anyway!!
"Get your rears back here!!"
"I (gasping for air) CANNOT (gasping for air) TALK (gasping for air) WITH (gasping for air) YOU (gasping for air) RIGHT (gasping for air) NOW (gasping for air)!!!"
"Please do not come in here again!"
Sucking it up. I can do this. It may not be as fast as I want. It may not be what I had planned. But, 6 miles is 6 miles no matter the speed.
Do it because you can!
Go!!
I finished. I did it. Talking myself through every second. I was pooped. I felt like puking. I've decided that between yelling at my kids and not having any sugary goodness in my system I had no extra steam.
That sugar coating on the outside of the gummy jelly eggs?? I think it gives me superpowers! I haven't had ANY of them since Sunday... my powers are fading!! I'm sure that's a reason to eat them, right?? Wrong.
I finished the run and started getting upset about it. An epic fail. If I couldn't run 6 strong, how would I get through my 20 miler on Saturday?? But, inspired by Jenna, I took on a different attitude. I DID 6 miles. I persevered. I didn't quit. 20 is still 20. And I cannot wait!
Love you Miss Jenna! Thank you for inspiring me! Thank you for showing so many what it means to live and love! You are missed but I'm so thankful that you're up in the arms of Jesus. Living. Loving. Dancing. Singing. Love you!
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5 comments:
This is such a great post, Mere. I too, didn't know Jenna well, but what I did was so awesome. You know what I loved most? I brought her a meal when she was first diagnosed and was starting chemo. She didn't know me but a girl from church... she didn't know if I was "churchy" or "ultraconservative" or anything of that sort (which obviously you know I"m not)...But she looked at me and said, "You know what I think of this?...I think this is SH*T" From that moment on, I admired her for always speaking the truth... which "Sh*T" it was and not caring what people thought of her. I wish I could have known her more. What a gem of a lady. She will be missed.
And your run? You KILLED it. Did you know you can kill a run even when you don't hit your paces and you have kids hanging on you? You can. You did it. You finished it...and that is all that matters. The hardest part about training for your first marathon is wondering if you can actually do it. A crappy training run makes you doubt yourself but I'm here to tell you, YOU CAN do it and will do it WELL!!!
Press on, soldier... :)
That's right...you DID 6 miles and you will be fine for your 20 miler! :0) So sorry to hear about your loss...she sounds like an incredible lady! Rest in the comfort of knowing you'll see her again one day...
It is always so comforting when you know that someone who has passed found their joy in Jesus while here on this earth...loss is tough no matter what but it makes me smile to think of Jesus welcoming her home.
As for the run...I was laughing the entire time. I think you recorded a "failed" run attempt at my house. Same prep....OK now BEFORE I go get on the treadmill does anyone need anything...wah wah wah.
Way to not let doubt creep in. You finished 6 and you will finish 20!! Keep it up!!
I feel like I am talking to myself all the time. Sometimes I stop and look at an adult in the room and say, "can you hear me, I am speaking out loud...right?"
Good job pushing through and taking your time to get it done for you,
elena
Oh yes, the Charlie Brown voice... it's so miserable when you know they're not listening... I have this fantasy about recording my voice in a repeating loop that says, "Stop bickering" and "Did you flush" and just playing it on random...
Love how you lifted up your pal! What a great way to honor her. Your post made me miss my cousin Linda. It's been a week and one day since she left us... but she would SO not want me feeling sad about that, she would want me out on the streets, tearing up my Brooks.
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