I'm Crazy

It's true.

I am.

Completely crazy.

I think that's how I ended up choosing to birth 3 children - 1 without an epidural.

I think that's why I cried as we left the hospital after the birth of our firstborn. Crying because it was over. Telling my husband I couldn't wait to do it again.

I think that's why I thought the birth of my 2nd was the coolest thing ever - his birth was so quick that I didn't get an epidural until I was 8 cm and by the time they were done giving it to me, he was crowning. So, basically, I had him with no epidural. And, crazy enough, I thought it was the coolest thing ever to be able to feel my body doing exactly what it was supposed to do.

And although I would have told you that there was no way I could handle having any more kids after my sweet, higher maintenance, second born, a surprise pregnancy #3 had me headed into induction wanting NO drugs. I wanted the same experience as with #2. Unfortunately, I had a nurse that kept asking, "are you sure you don't want an epidural???" Made me feel like it must be bad and I gave in. Bummer :( Maybe that's like asking someone at mile 24 if they'd like a ride to the finish line?

So, when I was pregnant with #4, I knew it would be my last pregnancy. I knew I would never get to be in labor again. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I did NOT want an epidural. I made sure to let the nurse know and not once did she ever ask if I wanted one after that.

Even though the pain is unlike anything I have ever experienced, I chose to go drug free. I looked forward to each and every labor.

I told you.

I'm crazy.

I think that's why I'm looking forward to tomorrow. It's my last 20 mile run before the marathon. We are going to run on the race course and I feel like I'm a giddy school girl today.

Crazy.

What makes me feel extra crazy is the fact that my mind will not stop. After Sunday's 20, I was sure I wouldn't want to put myself through such torture again. That I was a "one and done" type of marathoner.

Then, came Monday. My muscles weren't sore. My body felt great. It was as if I had never even tortured my body on Sunday. Really? What's a few hours of pain if I'm going to feel great the next day?? And, I don't even have bloody nipples to contend with like after the birth of a child. Funny, it's the men running marathons that have to worry about that :)

Then, Wednesday came and I ran an awesome 6 miles. Then, an even better 6 miler yesterday. And now, here I sit, waiting, ready to go. Stinkin' excited.

I'm crazy.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

The thing is, if I didn't run, I probably would lose my ever lovin' mind. I love my babes, but this week I've really been wondering how people with more than 5 do it?? I feel like I'm drowning in laundry, homework, laundry, baseball, dirty toilets, cooking dinners, laundry, egg eating chickens, laundry, a constipated dog that got spayed last Friday and is supposed to have "limited" exercise, a sick husband, grieving for the end of marriages, grieving for friends that have lost loved ones, praying for my brother and his family, oh and did I mention laundry???

Losin' it.

Then, as I was running yesterday I heard the song, "Thank You", by 33 Miles. With a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat, I smiled. I smiled and I thanked the Lord for all of it.

What if in the morning when I wake up
Even before I fill my coffee cup
I said thank you
thank you

What if i looked at the day and the hours ahead
and before I moved forward I bowed my head
I said thank you
oh, i said thank you

what if i looked at my life in a different way
took a little more time to stop and pray
i know it would change all the moments in between
so here i go

thank you for everything
thank you for loving me
it don't even matter what tomorrow brings
well i will sing my

thank you for sun and rain
for what you give and take away
for all your goodness i will always say
thank you
oh, i said thank you

what if i lost everything that i had
i could smile and somehow still be glad
and say thank you
thank you

cause life is joy life is pain
but the prayer of my heart will never change
i say thank you
oh, i say thank you

what if i looked at my life in a different way
took a little more time to stop and pray
i know it would change all the moments in between
so here i go

thank you for everything
thank for loving me
it don't even matter what tomorrow brings
well i will sing my

thank you for sun and rain
for what you give and take away
for all your goodness i will always say
thank you

well i will sing my
thank you for everything
thank you for loving me
it don't even matter what tomorrow brings
well i will sing my

thank you for sun and rain
for what you give and take away
for all your goodness i will always say (i will always)
for all your goodness i will always say-ay-ay-ay
thank you

So, with a deep breath. With a prayer. I thank the Lord for my crazy. I thank the Lord for running. I thank the Lord for loving me.

Then, I look forward to another 20 mile run :)