Surprise

Sometimes, I simply cannot believe God...

There have been times where I questioned why things had to be.

There have been times where I said, "REALLY???" while wrestling with God.

There have been sunsets that have blown me away.

There have been moments that He has blown me away.

There have been times, quite honestly, when I've wondered why some people get blessings poured over them while others do not. 

The other day a friend said that sometimes it's harder to see God in less joyful times.  Funny thing is, the less joyful times is when I see and feel Him most.

For the first time in years, we have not been stuck in the muck.  Life has been good.  We are healthy, the kids are healthy.  There have been no major trials.  While I find myself thanking Him often, it's mostly just when I'm running that I actually "feel" His presence.  I've started diving into my Bible just looking for Him.  I'm not even sure that makes sense...

However, the last few months have made me step back in awe and wonder why in the world I get to be so blessed.  I do smile at His goodness.  I do see Him.  It's just not the same feeling as when His arms are holding me closely, when He is carrying me through the painful times.  I think, perhaps, I just don't know how to function in non crisis living...

God has been patient and gracious with me.  He has answered many of my prayers and He has said, "not right now" to many others.

He answered my prayer to run on the 4th of July and last week He gave me a gift that I didn't even ask for.

Two years ago I wrote this... "What did I do??"

A ball of anxiety.  Never wanting to do it again.  Ever.

Then, there was this...  "What I did"

"Two days later and I'm able to say that I will do it again someday. First I said, "maybe in 5 years." Then, while talking to my brother yesterday, he asked if I would do it with him. Absolutely! We're hoping for Hood To Coast 2012! A healthy brother to run with would make me do it again in a heartbeat!"

And then, one year ago, this... 

I smile and cry as I sit here reading my words.  My heart goes back to that moment of aching and in the replies, was a little light...

Lesley from Racing if Off wrote these words...

"Maybe 2012 is the year for HTC... run it for your brother?"

In the fall, I briefly thought about putting a Hood to Coast team together to run in honor of my brother.  However, knowing how I am, I decided that it would not be the best move.  I am too unorganized, I get overwhelmed too easily, I wasn't sure I really wanted to spend that much money on something that I would only do if my brother was by my side.

A month ago someone asked me to join their team.  I thought maybe that was God's way of giving me a little gift.  When I told Marnee about it, she said, "do they have another spot??  How fun would it be if we could do it together?!?"  However, it didn't work out and although I was a little disappointed, I was okay with it.  I just held on to the fact that God knew best.

Not too long ago, Marnee told me she had been asked to join a friend's team.  I was so excited for her and the opportunity God was giving her for redemption.

And then, Friday afternoon, my heart skipped a beat as I read these words...

Want to run Hood to Coast with me and Marnee???

WITH you???

Yes, you'd be leg 2, I'm leg 3 and Marnee is leg 4!!

God, you are amazing!

In 3 days I will be running in Hood to Coast.  In 3 days I will be watching the sunrise over Mt. Hood.  I will be running down the mountain.  I will be laughing.  I'm sure there will be crying too :)  I will be sweaty and stinky and tired.  I will be blessed beyond comprehension.

I simply cannot believe God would put this little gift in my lap.  An unexpected gift that means the world to me.  God, you amaze me!  Thank you!

"Just Do It"

Before there was "Find your strong"...

Before there was "Run Happy"...

Before there were "Brilliant runs"...

There was a little saying...

"Just Do It"

On Wednesday, I established that I would not be running Thursday or Friday.  I do not do well running in the heat nor do I do well getting up before the sun.  No, I would run on Saturday and Sunday.

Yesterday, I spent the morning at Target and Costco.  Finishing up school supply shopping and buying food for the family.  By the time I left Target, I was shaking and sick to my stomach. 

I hate school supply shopping.

And yes, hate is a strong word.

I hate it.

And yes, I should just be thankful that I can buy school supplies for my children.

However, it stresses me out like you wouldn't believe.  Yesterday, as I walked out of Target, I was convinced there is a conspiracy between the government and school supply companies.  I was certain, school supply shopping was simply their way to make us stimulate the economy.  Well, economy, this mom of 5 kids says, "your welcome".

Shaking and sick to my stomach.  Mind spinning.  Ready to cry.  Ready to run away. 

Add to that that my hormones seem to be dictating my mood this week.  I've wanted to run away every single day this week.  I've felt lonely.  I've felt like the needy friend that no one needs.

Just being honest.

Darn hormones.

So, this morning when the morning didn't start so well, I decided one thing.

Just do it!

I drank my coffee, watered the garden, put on my lightest and most comfy Saucony shorts and laced up my good, old, reliable Saucony kicks and headed out the door.

I was expecting nothing.  I was feeling like the, "oh, look at her, at least she's trying" runner.  And then, something miraculous happened.

With each footfall came a grin that got bigger.  Sweat started pouring out of every pore.  My legs finding their stride.  I'm quite certain I could feel Satan eating my dust.

8:54

8:16

8:12

8:01

And with that, I finished with a grin, praising the Lord and ready to tackle another day in the heat with my sweet little cherubs.

Just do it! 

You will never regret it.

Confessions of A Lazy Runner

I find it funny when I say I'm a lazy runner.  Lazy?  How does that work?  If I were to just look at the running side, I'm not exactly a couch potato.  However, I am lazy.

Yep.

Lazy.

My typical run day looks like this...

Run (at the end of my run tell myself I need to stretch)
Forget stretching
Log my miles into Dailymile
Shower
Decide I'll stretch at night... along with those crunches and push ups I want to do.
Night comes...
Snuggling with my hubs sounds so much better
I don't want to get on the floor
Go to bed

No stretching.

No core work.

No push ups.

Lazy.

I even went so far as to check out some books from the library...

And while I've browsed through them, nothing has happened.

Weird, I can't get stronger just by looking?

I've realized that part of the problem lies in the fact that my brain doesn't work like a lot of other people's brains.  I look through those books and it's as if I'm trying to read it in Spanish.  It's overwhelming and makes absolutely NO sense to me.  My sweet friend hates it when I say this, but it really is true...

KISS

Keep it simple stupid

Here's the thing.  I don't believe I'm stupid.  Just simple.

And looking through those books is not simple.

I think that's why I'm drawn to the Smart Coach plans.  They're as simple as it gets.

Simple.

So, when talking my my sweet Marnee the other day, I asked her if she would put some exercises together for me.  Her only concern?  "If I do this, will you actually do what I tell you to??"

Of course, sweet friend!

And, because she is who she is and is so not like me, she had something to me the next day.  I started this on Wednesday (using the Monday schedule) after running 3 miles and felt like Marnee was trying to kill me.

On Tuesday, I started with 2 miles, did the required burpees and jumping lunges.  Ran 1 mile, made it to 20 burpees then the lunges and finished with 2 more miles and actually finished out the required amounts of burpees and lunges.

I could barely get my rear to the store I was so sore!

How is it I can run a marathon and be so stinkin' out of shape??

Seriously, burpees are enough to make me want to vomit and cry all at once and yet, here I sit, knowing exactly where all my muscles in my abs are because I can currently feel every single one when I flex.  Or move.

And, on another note, my kids are wondering if there will be tootees involved?  I'm not kidding.  They think the word burpees is hilarious.

Looking forward to today since I only have to do 10 burpees at a time :)

Want to join me in getting stronger??

Monday

10 burpees

10 jumping lunges

30 jumping jacks

Jump rope 2-3 minutes

(Repeat 2 to 5 times)

Tuesday

Run 1-2 miles

30 burpees

30 jumping lunges

(Repeat 2 to 5 times)

Wednesday

10 burpees, Run 400 meters

2 minutes recovery

Run 400 meters, 10 burpees

2 minutes recovery

(Repeat 2 to 5 times)

Thursday

30 burpees

30 bicycle kicks

30 push-ups

30 jumping lunges

30 tuck jumps

30 tricep dips

30-50 crunches

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOKfd7ZIFZI - tuck jump example

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zLTDUFjbXA - jumping lunges example

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzm3AnA57Og - bicycle kick example (you'll do them faster then what is in video though) :)

Friday

50 Squats

15 Burpees

50 Lunges (25/leg)

25 Sit ups

15 Push ups

25 Jumping jacks

1 Minute plank

(1-3 rounds)

Saturday

Rest

Sunday

Long run

I laughed at myself yesterday as I remembered that whenever I watch the Biggest Loser I think of how awesome it would be to have Jillian train me.  Um, who needs Jillian when they can have a Marnee?? :)

13

 I'm not exactly sure when the conversation occurred, but, I know it went something like this...

Me:  I want to run a marathon

My brother:  Run it for me, then you won't like me anymore.

Me:  How about, I run the first half for you and the second half for me?  That way, I'll still love you at the end!

Since that conversation, I have thought of my brother at every 13th mile of a marathon.  In Eugene, the Lord blessed me and put Waldo at mile 13.  Waldo was the nickname my brother earned after going missing, overnight, on a hunting trip.

13 for my brother.

Then, I'll still love him :)

Funny thing, his birthday was the 13th.

He went to Heaven on the 31st.  There's that 1 and that 3 again.

13.

A few weeks ago, I got it in my head that I wanted to run 13 on the 31st in honor of my brother.  Kind of funny, really, since I haven't ran more than 7 since the marathon on the 4th of July.  I wasn't sure my body would be capable as I really have been resting and not running much, but I knew that no matter what, I would spend 13 miles with my brother and God.  Even if that meant walking most of it...

1 year ago today, my dear, sweet friend, Ginny ran 13.1 in San Francisco.  There's that 13 again.  Before she ran she wrote a post.  Her words touched my heart and soul...

"Mile 7 - is for Mere’s Bro ~ Chris.  By Sunday it’s hard to know where you’ll be… but no matter where that is, I’m running this for you.

Mile 8 – is for Mere.  You’re amazing, and there aren’t words to describe why that is…  please know that I will savor the run Mere, because you asked me to… I will bring “GBA”, because you asked me to… and I will have more fun doing it in the moment, because you asked me to."

She didn't know, but she knew all at the same time.  And although I've never met her, she has become a dear dear friend.  A dear friend who I can laugh and share my heart with all in the same conversation.  A couple weeks ago I called her to ask a favor...

"Will you run 13 "with" me on the 31st?"

She would.

And we would. 

13 together.

For Chris.

This morning I set out.  Sending a quick text to Marnee and Ginny...  Friends that understand me.  Friends that carry me, love me and never judge me.  Friends who I knew would be praying me through the run.  Off I went.

It's funny, I have spent so much time blocking memories the last couple months.  One would come, tears would start and I would cut them off at the pass.  Stuffing them into no man's land.  Not wanting to go there.  On Sunday, as we drove back from camping, I was trying to remember last year.  I could get very little to come to mind.

Yesterday, the 30th, marked one year since I said, "goodbye".  One year since I hugged him and kissed his face.  One year since I looked at him for the very last time.  Not one tear was shed yesterday.   I was fine...

I told myself I would let the tears fall today.  I would not repress.  I would smile.  I would cry.  I would remember.  I would praise the Lord for him.  I figured these tears would happen on the run.

Have you ever seen "The Holiday"?  There is a scene in the movie where Cameron Diaz is trying to make herself cry.  She is unable to shed a tear.  She is numb.  I felt just like her.  Not one tear came.  I sang, I praised the Lord, I prayed for many many friends.

At mile 8, I felt like the Lord just wanted me to slow down.  I stopped to walk, pray, focus, listen...

At mile 10, I wanted to quit.  I was tired.  The fact that I had minimal runs under my belt since the 4th was showing.  I wanted to quit.  However, I knew that the smile at the end of 13 would be worth it.  Besides, my brother never quit, why should I?

I didn't.

I pushed on.  Savoring.  Singing.  Praising.

Then, it happened.

With .25 to go, the movie started playing in my mind, amazing memories with my brother came flooding in.  Riding in our old, ugly, orange-red, 1980 something Mustang, just he and I.  The windows down, the wind blowing in.  Smiles on our faces.  His wedding day.  The way he looked in awe at his wife.  My wedding day, the way he looked at me and we joked.  Him with his kids.  His smile.  His hugs.  His laugh.  God blessed me and the tears started flowing.  The floodgates have opened and all I can do is smile and praise God for the tremendous blessing of my brother.  He made so many people better.  He was such a good man.  I am beyond thankful that God chose me, out of all people, to be his little sister.

God is good!

Thank you Lord for my brother.  Thank you for blessing me this morning with a movie like no other!  Thank you for 13 miles in the beautiful sun, in your amazing creation with you and Chris!  Thank you for loving me...

Beautiful

"Every ocean, every sea, 

every morning's a symphony.
Every drop of rain, every waterfall, 

all the stars in the sky are so beautiful.
Every breath I breathe, every beat of my heart. 

I feel so alive because of who You are.
Every day I rise, every time I sing 

I'm reminded of Your great love for me.
You're beautiful, so beautiful."  Trent Monk

Reflecting...

Heart heavy...

Missing my brother...

A sweet husband that calls to tell me to go for a little run...

A sweet husband that knows my heart aches...

Deep breaths...

Fresh cut hay...

Smile on my face...

Cows grazing...

The sun glistening through the trees...

Sunbeams reaching through the clouds...

Sweat dripping down my temples...

Little hills...

Birds chirping...

Hawks soaring...

Towering evergreens...

Steep hills...

Muscles engaged...

My legs...

My brother's legs...

Eyes open...

Eyes closed...

Prayers said...

Sighs...

Lungs filled...

Tall grasses glowing...

Green trees blowing...

Blue skies...

Billowy clouds...

Heart filled...

Cup overflowing...

A date with God...

A refreshed soul...

A lightened heart...

Smile found.

Laughter and Smoothies

There are some moments you just don't want to forget.  Moments that make you completely laugh when you think about them.  Moments that help you learn a little...

I rarely have to pee when I'm running.  I pee multiple times before leaving the house to be sure to get every single little drop out of me.  I can recall 3 times that I have had to pee during a run.  Yes, 3.  Yes, I have been running for over 2 1/2 years.  Three.

One time was during a 20 mile run when I refused to stop in at any business establishment because I wasn't currently buying anything from them.  This had me looking at every possible bush that I ran by wondering if it could shield me from the cars.  This had me playing out various scenarios of how it would go to pee my pants...  I was driving hubs truck and he has cloth seats.  I just didn't think he'd appreciate that :)  And what it the world would I do about my shoes??  Who wants pee in their shoes?

Another time was just during a 5 miler.  I could hold it.

One was during my last 18 miler and I couldn't hold it.  Thankfully, Mandi's house was close and she let me use her potty.

Well, on the 4th of July there was a theme.  It was my 4th marathon.  It was the 4th of July.  It was the 4th time I had to pee during a run.  Thankfully, the theme was not 2's :)

What boggles my mind is that I peed THREE times before the race started and yet around mile 14, the pressure became unbearable and I did something I have never done.  I used the porta potty during a race.  It took a little shimmying to get my skirt off and little did I know, it was not going to be such an easy task to get that baby back up.

I finished my business and tried to pull my skirt up.  It wouldn't budge.  I was so sweaty.  My skirt was so sweaty.  I was in a cramped porta potty.  I had no idea what to do. 

It's funny how your brain turns to mush at times like this.

I stood there, unable to get my skirt over my rear, weighing my options...

1.  Open the door a crack and have Katie come help me.

2.  Walk out of the porta potty and ask for both Katie and Jen to help...

I'm not even kidding when I say I strongly considered both options.

Imagine that, a girl walking out of the porta potty with her rear hanging out.  Not one of my finer moments :)

Finally, I gave it one last try, inched my shorts up and shimmied my way back into my skirt.

As Marnee pointed out, if only I hadn't taken 5 minutes in the bathroom my time would have been under 5 hours :)  Dang it!! 

Lesson learned?  Learn how to pee yourself.  Kidding.  Kind of...

On Sunday, I went to grab my favorite, light weight running socks for my run with Marnee and I couldn't find them.

On Monday, I went to find them again...

Same story on Tuesday.

I was finally beginning to think that they had been lost at the marathon.  I had removed my socks and shoes to put my feet in ice water and was thinking that they hadn't made it back to the car.  Dang it!

However, when I hopped in my car to go to the store this morning I knew right where they were.  They HAD to be hiding in the car.  How would I know that?  My car smelled like stinky socks!  Lovely.  At least I found my socks :)

Lesson learned??  Don't leave stinky socks in the car.

And now to the smoothies...  I've been on a bit of a smoothie kick.  I spent 8 months training my body for marathons and now, I get to train my stomach that I'm no longer training for marathons.  It's been going well and I have to say that smoothies seem to be the answer for me.  I can throw loads of spinach in a cup with yogurt, milk, pb, banana and honey and be satisfied for hours.  Love that it's green (just makes me feel all the more healthy), love that it actually is healthy and love how I'm feeling. 

I tried going on Pinterest this morning to look for more recipes, but, quite frankly, I get way too overwhelmed.  Imagine my delight when Amanda from Runninghood, posted a little something about smoothie suggestions this morning.  Hoping to get some more recipes in the arsenal.

So, here's a couple questions for you...

What's your favorite healthy smoothie recipe?

What's your favorite running funny??

The Last 6.2

When I was training for the LA Marathon I was browsing their Facebook page and saw something that made me laugh.  A guy said he had heard the last 6.2 miles of the course was the hardest.  So, he went and ran those last 6.2 miles for training.  What made me laugh?  He said it really wasn't hard :)

Of course, he was being funny.

It wasn't that the last 6.2 miles of that particular course was hard.  It was that the last 6.2 miles of any marathon are the hardest.

As I've processed through marathon #4, I've realized, the last 6.2 were, perhaps, the easiest.  Scratch that, the 1st  9 or 10 were pretty great too.  But, the last 6.2?

Amazing!

If I think about them in detail, I know they weren't necessarily easy, but they are miles that seemed to have flown by.

Once I truly keyed in to God... 

Once I completely sought Him...

That's when I had an experience like no other.

He met me right there on that course.  Granted, He was there the whole time, but it wasn't until I truly, truly, with tears in my eyes sought him that I felt Him and saw Him...

The cottony fluff, the blue sky, the weight lifted...

Our pastor talked about experiencing God yesterday and as I listened to him talk I realized something.  I've cherished my runs for quite some time, knowing they are my quiet time with the Lord.  However, it wasn't until yesterday that I made some connections...

When I run, I experience God more often than not.  He talks to me.  He reveals truths to me.  He carries me.  He pushes me.  When I run, I feel His presence more than when I am not running.  It makes me want to run more.  He makes me want to run more.

The last 6.2 miles on the 4th of July?  They were easy because my eyes were wide open to where God wanted me.  I was searching for what He might have.

I'm not sure on the mile, but somewhere around 17, Katie and Jen were trying to encourage me along.  I'm sure we were walking at this point and I noticed a girl in a red shirt up ahead...

Me:  "Oh, sweet girl, she looks like she's hurting!"

Jen:  "Let's catch her and pick her up!"  (That girl should be a coach!  What a great motivator!)

Me:  "You can go catch up to her."  (I'm peachy, aren't I?)

As I left the aid station around mile 21, I looked to my side and there she was, the girl in the red shirt.  Her face crusted with salt and a pained look in her eye...

"How you doing?"

"I'm hurting.  My ankles hurt.  My legs hurt..."

We started walking together.  Sharing stories.  The paths that brought us to this race.  From here, the miles flew by.  It wasn't because our paces had picked up, it was because instead of focusing on my pain, I was focused on God, I was focused on the girl in the red shirt.

God is good...

This race is so much like childbirth.  I think about it and smile.  I think about it and I forget about the pain.  But, if I really think about it I remember...

My legs hurt more than they have ever hurt before...

I truly thought about quitting, but my pride and the fact that I got a pretty medal at the end made me continue...

I teared up at every aid station when someone would tell me good job and ask how I was doing...

I felt like my calves and quads were going to rip open...

I was so dehydrated I stopped sweating...

I wondered why I run marathons...

Silly girl :)

I run them because that's where I get this huge dose of God.  I know He's right here, everyday, but the marathon is our special place.  I have the hugest grin on my face as I type...  Remembering.  Savoring.  Cherishing.  Loving.

Marathons = My date with God

Man, He's good!

And, just like labor, my hubs has been there every step of the way.  He may not have taken every step of the marathon with me, but he has put up with me and my training for the last 8 months.  He has supported me, encouraged me and patiently listened to me.  And on race day?  He finished last last mile with me!  A gift that I can't even express how much it means to me.  I love you, Babe!

Praising my Heavenly Papa for another amazing date, praising Him for a husband that blows my mind, praising Him for another finish line crossed and praising Him for an easy 6.2 miles :)