Dear Tempo Run,
Today, you made me feel like crap.
Not craptastic, as in crappy, but good crappy. Not the kind that leaves me wanting to heave but smiling all at the same time. Not the kind that, although I'm left feeling crappy, I'm still glad with the results.
No, today, you just outright made me feel like crap.
The kind of crap that finds you dry heaving on the side of the road. The kind that makes you want to never run again. The kind that makes you feel like a complete and total failure.
That is how you made me feel today.
When Cory called today, I said, "would you like to hear the good news or the bad? The good is, I'm done running. The bad is, my run was really crappy."
I thought about texting Julie these words, "I'm done running and I'm pretty sure all the food is in trouble in my house."
Crappy.
How is it that last week, you left me feeling so wonderful?? 4 miles at a tempo pace of 8:20 or better. What in the world happened???
Cory says it was too hot. I got started too late. Sweet Mandi says it too. Perhaps.
But, really, why must you make me feel this way??
warm-up: 9:36
mile 1: 8:21 (feeling okay. Trying to control my speed and settle in.)
mile 2: 8:15 (big downhill and a couple steep uphills. Control. You've got this.)
mile 3: 8:28 (couple nice hills. Holy cow I'm hot. Push. Push. Push.)
mile 4: 8:41 (BIG uphills. Big. Push. Push even more in the little flat section. Push. Trying to keep it in the 8:30's at least. Mile done. Press stop. Dry heave a few times. Go.)
mile 5: 9:17 (Gasping. I'm done. I want to lay down on the road. I'm dreaming of dousing myself in the hose when I get home.)
cool down: 9:15 (I'm done. Done running. Done trying to run fast. Done.)
Now, all I'm left with is doubt. Doubt I can do this. Doubt I can even get in under 2:00. Doubting it all.
Done.
Tempo run, I don't even know what else to say to you at this point. I'm frustrated, down, and really that's just silly.
The fact is, even if you made me feel like crap today, I can at least still run. I may not run fast, but I can still put one foot in front of the other. I can still feel the breeze on my sweaty face. I can still feel the ground under my footsteps. I can still run and enjoy God's amazing beauty.
So, take that.
And take your crappiness with you.
Meredith
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4 comments:
love your post. HATE days like that.
everybody has crappy runs sometimes. Don't doubt yourself!! You pushed through a tough run, with heat and uphills. You are TOUGH and I know you will be able to achieve your goals. GOOD JOB pushing through and finishing where many would have quit. :)
I hate the tempo. In fact, haven't done one in many months. This will not help me at all in Eugene...
I'm trying to set up a bloggy meetup time at the EWH expo, for a picture. Are you up for it? Will you be there around 2:30 on Saturday?
I'm sure you know we've all been there. The tempo is my biggest nemisis. I try to remember that I'm not defined by my crappy runs, but by my best ones. Either way, you got the miles, declare victory. *hugs*
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