Hard. Hot. Hilly. Blessing.

The last week has found me sobbing, laughing, overwhelmed, numb. Thankful, blessed, aching, held. It has been a week that, quite frankly, has taken it's toll.

I cannot believe it's been a week.

A week since my sweet brother was with us...

Cory, Ella, Brenton and I (Cole, Caden and Jackson stayed with my parents) drove home last Sunday for a quick catch-up and scramble before heading back to Spokane/Coeur d'Alene on Wednesday.

The love that my amazing husband and wonderful friends have given me leaves me feeling blessed beyond words. They have laughed with me. Cried with me. Hugged me. They have been there when I've needed them.

On Tuesday, I was able to get out for 6 hard miles in the hot sun. It was supposed to be a tempo run, but it was too hot and I simply could not get my body to move that fast.

Wednesday found us loaded up and back in the car. We've made that 6+ hour drive so many times in the last 3 1/2 weeks that it now breezes by.

There was a run on the schedule for Thursday, but, instead I found myself up early to get ready to go celebrate my brother's life. A day that found me so thankful for my brother and aching for all that he left behind. A day that found me laughing at the silly stories his friends shared. A day that found me breathless as I watched his life unfold in the slideshow. A day that I still can't believe is done.

There should have been a run on Friday, but, instead I found myself smiling and laughing. A trip to the beach with some of our nearest and dearest friends who had come from Phoenix to love us and support us. A day that found us with our hearts full as we swam in the cool lake, as we felt the warm sand between our toes, as we cherished the gift of amazing friends. That night we enjoyed tasty dinner and walked the streets of Coeur d'Alene that was all set up for a street fair. So much fun. Such a gift. Such a blessing.


No run on Saturday. Just a drive home. Home. Sweet. Home.

Today. Today was Sunday. A day that includes church and family. Only today, I couldn't go to church. Rather, I didn't want to. It wasn't because I didn't want to hear from God, but because I didn't want to hear the sound of, "how are you?" Because I didn't feel like crying my face off. Because I just couldn't leave it at okay. Or fine. Or, quite frankly, not okay.

So, today. Today I did church in a different way. Today, I did church with just God. And me. And the road. And my worship music. Today, as I hit mile 4, "That's What Faith Can Do" came on. My brother and Kristin's song...

"Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing..."

As my gut wrenched and my breath was taken away I felt a sudden wave of peace fall over me. God's arms held me tight and there we ran. Step by step. Talking. Crying. He was there. He was there...

12 miles with my Jesus this morning. 12 miles that saw me smiling and crying and not caring one bit what my watch said. 12 slow miles. That were not easy, but were good. 12 miles in the hot sun. On the hills. With my God.

And truly, I wanted more. Had I not said I would be home in 2 hours, I would have kept going. Step by step with my Savior - His arms holding me close. Aching with me. Loving me. Carrying me through.