Mental Games/I Commit Friday

I'll just say right now, I haven't been doing so well in the commitments department.

I have been working on my water.

I have been trying to make better food choices.

I have been working out.

I have been doing some core work.

The problem?

None of it has been done as well as I want it to be.

I remember Oprah describing food choices one time. That even if you make a wrong turn, don't give up. Just make a U-turn. I'm not good at U-turns...

Ever since my mom walked me through the doors of Weight Watchers in the 4th grade I have been a mental game player.

And when I reached Lifetime Member status after the birth of my 1st babe, I would play those games every month when I went for my weigh in... enjoy way too many treats for 3 weeks. Eat healthy for 1. Weigh in. Start the cycle all over again. I had to quit going because I got so sick of the game. Then I got pregnant again. And again. And again. Which worked great for the game because I had a built in excuse to yo-yo. Now, with no more babies I have no more built in excuses. It's all me. And the game.

I have had some pretty negative self talk.

I have had some convincing rationalizations.

When it's go time I'm good to go.

When I've got a goal, I'm golden.

But, it seems, that goal needs to be worth it.

Totally and completely.

The race.

That seems to be a goal my mind loves.

There's nothing like looking at that training schedule, planning your runs and checking them off. One by one.

Then, there's race day. Beautiful race day.

There is just nothing that compares. A high that I'm sure a junkie could relate to. The adrenaline rush that feels so good that you are left wanting more.

The race.

I miss it.

I don't know if it's just the winter blahs. Or perhaps, it's because I have no races set in stone except the Vancouver Marathon in June. Perhaps, it's because I don't really know what next year looks like for races. My mind seems to have many thoughts...

I loved the Shamrock Run last year. Thousands of people. A beautiful run. A beautiful morning. But, do I really want to spend the money on it? When there are races like the Girlfriend's 1/2 and the Eugene Women's 1/2?

I'm a stay at home mom. With that, there are many benefits. But, there are also sacrifices. It's not like we have money coming out our rears and I can just go around spending money on every race that sounds fun.

And, even if we did have a money tree, would it really be best for my family?

What is best?

Is it less races?

I have a friend who's goal is to run 10 marathons before she turns 40. She's already done 7 of them and has 3 to do in the next year. When she ran Portland this year, she ran with a friend who was not only running his first marathon, but was also running his first race! He then went on to run Seattle last weekend and is running Vancouver in June. He is hooked! Do I just do that? Only spend money on the big races??

But, who am I kidding?

I haven't even run one yet.

I just want to find some balance.

But, it seems that until I know what's happening, my motivation seems to be rather low.

I no longer have a consistent running partner (that's a person!) and amazingly, that seems to have cut the motivation as well.

I'm loving my treadmill, but then there's the issue of making the time in the middle of the day. And to be honest, the treadmill seems to kick my rear!

I haven't run 10 miles straight since the 7th of November. And I hate it.

I wasn't planning on starting to train until February, but a friend mentioned a 6 month marathon training plan... I think I'm going to give it a go just so my head can stop with the games.

Because, truly, if I don't find my motivation soon I just might lose it!

How's your motivation when you're not training?

How are your commitments?

Do you play mental games?